Sexual assault and rape are all too common today. 1 in 5 women experience completed or attempted rape in their lifetime. 81% of women and 43% of men experience sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime.
The impact of sexual violence extends far beyond the event itself. Sexual trauma can leave people anxious, depressed, guilty, ashamed, scared, and struggling with PTSD symptoms. The aftermath of a sexual assault can be debilitating.
Although it takes time, healing from sexual assault is possible. The feelings of fear, guilt, and helplessness are symptoms of sexual trauma and do not reflect on you as a person.
What happened to you never should have happened, but it did. Now, you deserve healing. This resource serves as a starting point for your recovery journey. Utilize the tips and resources listed here to begin healing. Remember that you are not alone and that you deserve healing.
How Long Does It Take to Heal from Sexual Trauma?
Everyone heals from sexual assault at a different pace. For some, it takes weeks or months, for others it takes years. How long it takes you to heal from sexual trauma depends on the extent of your trauma, your support system, preexisting traumas or mental health issues, and your access to recovery resources.
The best time to start healing from sexual trauma and rape is now. It is never too late to start your recovery.
Healing from Rape and Sexual Trauma
These eight steps can serve as a base for your recovery. It may take trial and error to find what techniques work best for you. Some people really enjoy mindfulness, while others need to take a different approach. Start experimenting with what feels good for you. It can help to track your symptoms and mood.
Sometimes, when you start treating sexual trauma, your symptoms may get worse before they get better. Taking time to think about what happened to you and process those memories can be distressing. This is a normal part of the healing process, and why we encourage you to have a support system and healthy coping mechanisms in place, which we talk more about below.
Step 1: Talk About the Trauma
Talking about your trauma is the first step towards healing. It acknowledges that the trauma happened. By making it real and giving it a name, you take away some of its power. Trauma thrives in the dark recesses of our mind; by talking about it you force your brain to begin processing it.
Talking about sexual assault also can help alleviate the guilt and shame that often accompanies it. What happened to you was not your fault, but it can be hard to believe that sometimes. A support group, close friend, or therapist can help you believe it.
Ways you can start talking about sexual assault and rape include:
- Join a support group
- Find an online community
- Reach out to someone you trust
- Talk to a therapist or doctor
Start small if you need, like an anonymous online chat. Eventually, you can work up to telling your close friends and family about it.
What If You Live With Your Abuser?
Around 51% of women were sexually assaulted by an intimate partner, many of whom they lived with. Living with your abuser can be incredibly painful and difficult. It makes healing more difficult, as your brain will constantly be alerting to the danger of their presence. When you are in that fight or flight mode, you can’t fully process your trauma or begin healing from it.
Making the decision to leave is not a straightforward one. If you’re not able or ready to leave the relationship yet, there are things you can do to protect yourself. Consider this guide to leaving an abusive relationship.
Step 2: Learn Your Trauma Response
In the aftermath of trauma, you may have many different “triggers”, or external stimuli (a specific sound, image, or sensation) that produce a trauma response. A trauma response is an automatic, involuntary emotional response to these triggers. For example, smelling the cologne or perfume of your attacker can trigger flashbacks, panic attacks, and dissociation.
Triggers include:
- Locations
- Other intimate relationships
- Physical touch
- Anniversaries or dates
- Words or phrases
- Feeling out of control
- The time of day or night
- Witnessing similar situations, even in fictional media
Trauma responses include:
- Flashbacks
- Nightmares
- Dissociation (feeling detached from yourself or the world around you)
- Panic Attacks
- Hyperarousal (feeling on guard or jumpy all the time)
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Being startled easily
- Avoiding places or things that remind you of the trauma
Your reactions and triggers may be different, this is not a complete list. Understanding your triggers and trauma responses will help alleviate guilt or shame you feel about these symptoms (they’re not your fault; they’re a symptom of the trauma) and help you cope with them.
Step 3: Cope with Trauma Symptoms
Coping with trauma symptoms is a vital part of recovery. Coping is different from processing because the goal is not necessarily to eliminate the symptoms but to make it through them. Because healing from sexual trauma can take a while, being able to cope with the symptoms to minimize their harm is crucial to your recovery and ability to live fully while you recover.
Tips to deal with the panic and trauma symptoms:
- Color Scanning: Scan your environment from left to right. Note any instance of the color red, no matter how small. Then do the same for orange, yellow, blue, green, and purple.
- Box Breathing: Get in a comfortable position with your feet flat on the floor and your back straight. Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4. Hold it for a count of 4. Release it through your mouth for a count of 4. Hold for another four.
- 54321 Grounding: Notice five things you can feel, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
- Exercise: Walking, running, or gentle exercise can help you ground yourself in your body and remind yourself that you are safe.
- Journaling: Journaling may not be the best tool to use if you’re in the middle of a trauma symptom, but it can help mitigate the long-term effects. Write what you felt, what triggered those feelings, and what helped. You may want to include affirmations, gratitude, or a list of your strengths to stave off any feelings of guilt or shame.
Step 4: Let Go of Guilt and Blame
Guilt, shame, and self-blame are common feelings of survivors of sexual assault. Even if you understand that you’re not at blame, it can be hard to shut down these feelings. As you recover and fully process the trauma, these feelings will ebb.
You are not at fault for what happened. For now, it can be helpful to simply repeat that. Write it down, along with a list of your strengths. Ask friends and family to reaffirm it for you. It shouldn’t have happened, and it wasn’t your fault.
Step 5: Reconnect to Yourself
Trauma can make it feel as if your personal identity is stripped away. It’s not uncommon to hear people talk about “losing themselves” after a traumatic event like sexual assault and rape.
It can be helpful to your well-being and recovery to begin to reconnect with yourself. You can do this by:
- Engaging in your hobbies
- Making time to try something new
- Hanging out with people just for fun
- Making small goals and accomplishing them
- Exercise in a way that is fun and empowering
- Try massage (This can be triggering if you are unable to handle human touch, but is a good exercise to retrain your brain that not all human touch is dangerous.)
- Be creative, using art, music, or creativity to process the trauma but also just to express yourself and get in touch with your emotions
Think about who you were before the attack. What parts of that person do you miss? How can you bring them with you into the present?
Step 6: Find a Community
Community is a protective factor against mental illness, meaning those who have a strong community and support system are less likely to struggle with mental illnesses like PTSD, anxiety, or depression.
Your community could be a group of friends, your family, or a support group you joined. It can be virtual or in-person.
Step 7: Take Care of Yourself
Self-care is vital to our well-being, and we don’t mean the bubble baths and chocolates type of self-care (although that can be good, too!). Taking care of your basic needs is something that becomes much more difficult in the aftermath of trauma. Make it a priority this week to engage in simple self care such as:
- Get quality sleep
- Shower once a day
- Eat healthy foods
- Drink enough water
- Get outside to see the sun
These are basic things that are often neglected when you are dealing with traumatic sexual assault, but taking care of your body is the first step to healing your mind. Take things slow and remember that a little bit of self-care is better than none.
If you have trouble knowing where to start with self-care, use one of our three self-care templates.
Step 8: Seek Help
Sexual assault and rape are highly traumatic experiences that can have a long-lasting impact on your life. While some people are able to heal with a community and healthy coping skills, others find it helpful to talk with a licensed counselor either one-on-one or in a group setting.
A therapist skilled in trauma and sexual assault can help you process the trauma nad heal from traumatic symptoms. They may recommend trauma-specific therapies like EMDR.
Group therapy or a support group are also powerful ways to heal from sexual assault while also being in a community with others who understand what you’re going through.
Lifebulb Counseling can match you with an online therapist who specializes in trauma near you. We also have support groups for sexual assault survivors, led by a licensed therapist. If you think either of these services would help you in your recovery journey, contact our team. We accept most insurances and have little to no wait times.