How to Break a Trauma Bond

10 Signs of Trauma Bonding

Trauma Bonds derived from Stockholm Syndrome can develop over some time, maybe days, weeks, or months, and can be influenced by the severity of the abuse, how long it continues, and the victim’s coping skills. If you find yourself with any of the below symptoms, it means you are in an abusive relationship:

• You feel a strong emotional dependency on the abuser, even if they mistreat or abuse you.
• You find yourself making excuses for the abusive actions of the abuser that you are bonded with.
• You may feel alone, isolated, and without a robust support system.
• You feel detached from the rest of the world.
• You have a strong feeling of loyalty and trust towards the abuser.
• You feel that you are always at fault and not the abuser.
• The abuser constantly manipulates and controls you.
• You feel trapped in a relationship and believe there is no way out.
• The abuser promises that they will change, but they never do.
• You lose your self-worth and self-esteem in that relationship.

It's important to remember that trauma bonds are complex and not everyone will experience all of these symptoms. If you see the above 10 signs of trauma bonding in your own situation or in someone you care about, it is important to seek help and support from a trusted friend, family member, or professional who can help you move on and heal from the trauma.

Seven Stages of Trauma Bonding

Below are the stages of Trauma Bonding:

1. Love bombing: Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with a massive display of affection. Psychologists note that narcissists and sociopaths may engage in love bombing to gain the other person's trust.

2. Gaining trust: The abuser can take specific actions to be seen as trustworthy. If you doubt their credibility, they may be offended that you would doubt them.

3. Criticism: The abuser often criticizes the victim to the point where the victim even blames themselves. In many cases, the victim will believe that they deserve criticism - even though they have done nothing wrong.

4. Manipulation: Abusers justify their own behavior by manipulating their other person. When the person tries to speak out against the unfair treatment, the abuser may fire them with, "You're imagining it" or "You're exaggerating." 

5. Resignation: Often known as the fawn response to trauma, after repeated incidents of abuse, the victim is often resigned to managing the abusive behavior. They agree to what the abuser wants. The response of fawns is often described as pleasing to humans. However, it is also a survival coping mechanism.

5. Psychological distress: The victim experiences serious psychological distress as a result of the abuse; unfortunately, during this stage they may also experience emotional numbness, feeling like they have lost who they are, withdrawal from people and activities, and even suicidal thoughts.

6. The Cycle gets repeated: Unfortunately, the cycle of abuse is repetitive. At this stage, the abuser starts the stage of trauma bonding with the victim all over again by love bombing them and regaining the lost trust. Things may appear to be getting back to normal until another abusive incident occurs.

The cycle of abuse and trauma bond can be broken, though it may seem impossible at times. Many people prefer ending an abusive relationship and finding safety and solace in a healthy relationship.

How to Break a Trauma Bond?

If you experienced an abusive situation that led to a trauma bond, your priority now is probably trauma bond recovery so that you can see the situation for what it was and overcome it.

If you are already out of the situation, you may or may not need to take the first step. Additionally, all of the remaining steps can be useful and helpful to anyone who has been on the abusive side of a traumatized relationship.

1. Considering a Safety Plan: If you are currently in an abusive situation and looking out how to break the trauma bond, you should leave it as soon as you have a safety plan in place. This means having a safe place with support. You don't have to figure it all out on your own. Someone who has experience with abusive situations and how to leave them safely can help you think through what you need to do to leave a relationship safely. There are many support hotlines available that can help you and that offer 24/7 counseling over the phone or the Internet. This will help you break the trauma bond fast.

2. Take Care of Yourself: One significant impact of violent situations is that they can lower your self-esteem. Being dependent on an abuser, being excused by someone, and simply the act of abuse wreaks havoc on a person's self-esteem. Putting yourself in situations where your actions are the reason you feel good can reinforce the idea that you don't need someone else to make you feel good. You have autonomy, and the more you remind yourself to find a ways how to break the trauma bond, the easier it will be to feel and believe.

Once you know how to break the trauma bond and leave an abusive relationship, your personal care and safety should be among your top priorities. Consider practical changes like changing your number and protecting your online safety, as well as personal changes like learning to recognize your value and your worth. It can also be helpful to know where to go in an emergency, as well as where to find mental health support. Talking kindly to yourself and doing your best to believe that the abusive situation was not your fault are useful tools to break your trauma bond with the abuser. In addition, being kind to yourself through self-care can also facilitate your healing.

3. Therapy: Trauma therapy is an incredible tool to help people overcome trauma and break the trauma bond. It can not only help you work through the complex and difficult emotions you experience after leaving an abusive situation, but it can also enable you to make different decisions in the future.

It can also help you see the warning signs of abuse so you don't end up in an abusive situation again. There are many different types of therapy, with trauma therapy always being the best option for people who have experienced trauma such as abuse.

4. Surround Yourself with Family and Seek Support: Trauma therapy is an essential tool for healing, but when dealing with trauma bonding, therapy alone might not suffice. In such cases, connecting with individuals who have shared similar experiences can be immensely beneficial. It can reduce feelings of isolation and shame that often accompany abusive situations.

If you're hesitant about joining a support group, contemplate opening up to trusted friends and loved ones about your experiences. There is no shame in doing so, and the more you share and hear understanding and empathy from those close to you, the more you'll come to believe in your worth and resilience. And this will help you break the trauma bond fast.

5. Take Time to Grieve What You Lost: If you have been in a violent situation, you may have experienced trauma. It's nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. It is a natural response to trauma and there is help for you.

Talking about your traumatic bond with a mental health professional, trauma therapist near you, support group, and even trusted loved ones can help you realize that you are not to blame for your attachment to the abuser and that you can heal from it.

6. Maintain a Journal: Journaling allows you to identify, express, and process what and how you feel about stressors in your life without any judgment. You can pour your emotions onto a blank page and release fear, anxiety, or depression from your mind and heart. Journaling for your mental health allows you to keep a record of your reactions and healing progress, reflect on the stages of trauma bonding and how to break the trauma bond, and find opportunities for emotional growth over time.

7. Cut Off From the Situation: Although it might appear difficult to resolve the issue, it could be beneficial for you to disengage and distance yourself from the situation, particularly if there is a potential for it to escalate into a dangerous one. When facing such circumstances, stepping back and creating some space can be a valuable long-term strategy to manage the intense emotions linked to breaking a trauma bond. If you find yourself inclined towards the abuser, it could be an indicator of being in a trauma bond or a dependent relationship. 

8. Don’t Blame yourself: While it's important to allow yourself to feel your feelings, you shouldn't blame yourself for being in a traumatic relationship or for having strong feelings for your significant other in a traumatic relationship, especially if there was abuse. Let go of the negative self-talk and talk to yourself as you would a loved one who has gone through the same thing. Blaming yourself can make you feel more guilty and ashamed, which can slow your progress and keep the blame on the victim in abusive situations. This will help you break the bond fast.

9. Exercise: The right exercise can improve your mood and energy. This will make you feel satisfied and energetic. Exercising and doing different types of physical activity, such as dancing, swimming, and walking, can ease the symptoms of this disorder and lift your mood.

If you are dealing with problems or abuse in your relationship and you think you are in the grip of trauma, know that it is possible to learn how to break the trauma bond. Working with a trauma therapist near you or a PTSD therapist near you and reaching out to your support system can make a big difference in how you feel and what you can do next.

How Trauma Therapy Can Help In Trauma Bond Recovery

Not only can trauma therapy be beneficial to your recovery, but it can also help teach you new ways to think about yourself and others. You'll learn to recognize where you stand, accept your feelings, and be honest with yourself—even if you have mixed feelings about the end of your relationship. Remember, it is a journey that takes time. But with determined effort, healing will occur. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can occur after an individual experiences or witnesses a traumatic event.

1. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) in Trauma Therapy

Cognitive processing therapy (CPT), developed by Patricia Resick, helps people who have experienced trauma. During CPT sessions, your trauma therapist helps you identify things that make you feel stuck and stressed. They work with you to address and change any unrealistic or problematic thoughts you may have about the traumatic event.

2. Prolonged Exposure Therapy for PTSD Therapy

Prolonged Exposure (PE) is used to treat PTSD. It focuses on changing behaviors learned in response to scary situations or memories. The goal of exposure therapy is to reduce fear and anxiety by directly facing fears. PE involves techniques like imagining the trauma, facing fears, learning about PTSD therapies, and practicing better breathing.

3. Trauma-focused CBT in Trauma Therapy

Trauma-focused CBT (TF-CBT) therapy is a type of cognitive therapy that helps children and teenagers who have experienced trauma. It focuses on individuals' specific mental and emotional needs, especially those with post-traumatic stress and mood disorders. The treatment is designed to be understanding and responsive to their challenges.

4. Psychodynamic Therapy in Trauma-Focused Therapy

Psychodynamic trauma therapy explores the deeper meaning of your thoughts and feelings. It helps you understand how past experiences impact your current behavior and relationships. Your trauma therapists will assist you in recognizing the hidden reasons behind your actions and emotions, aiming to bring about positive change.

Conclusion

As we navigate the path to breaking trauma bonds, remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. Embrace self-compassion, seek support, and honor the resilience within. By dismantling these emotional chains, you pave the way for a brighter, empowered future—a future where you define your worth and rewrite your narrative.