May 27, 2025
We hope that every therapist is well-intentioned and well-informed and that every therapy session goes smoothly. However, therapists are humans, too, and that means this isn’t always the case.
Sometimes, a therapist is just a bad fit. For example, you wouldn’t see an addiction therapist for marriage therapy. They don't have the training or expertise. On many other levels, therapists may be incompatible with you and the services you’re seeking. In these cases, a good therapist will understand and refer you out to a therapist better suited to meet your needs.
In other cases, however, you might notice some signs of a bad therapist. Therapists are held to high ethical and legal standards to protect clients. If you’re thinking about starting therapy, it’s important for you to understand your rights as a client and know how to spot therapist red flags.
Red Flags in Therapy
Some red flags in therapy are ethical concerns: A breach of your privacy or the boundary between a professional and client can and should have serious professional repercussions. Others are personal concerns: you don’t feel understood or like you can be vulnerable with them.
Below are 10 therapist red flags, ranked from the most minor infraction to the largest ones. The more red flags a behavior warrants, the quicker you should leave the therapist and report them to their therapy board. We’ll talk about how to do that below.
For now, here are 10 red flags of a therapist, and signs you should find a new one:
You don’t feel understood.
If you feel unheard, judged, or invalidated by your therapist, it’s not a good fit. Therapy will be hard, and at times it will be uncomfortable. You might not always agree with everything your therapist says, but you should still feel supported. If you ever feel attacked, harassed, or unheard, it could be a sign of an unhelpful therapist.
You don’t trust them.
If you don’t trust your therapist they won’t be able to help you. Vulnerability is an important part of the therapy procedure, and not feeling safe to do so will leave you spending money for a therapist who can’ t help. Not trusting a therapist may not be a sign that they themselves are bad therapists, but just that you are a bad fit.
There’s no clear treatment plan.
A therapist should collaborate with you to set goals and outline a treatment plan. If you feel directionless in sessions, it is a concern. Ask your therapist if you have a treatment plan or for clarification on one. If they refuse to give it to you, then it might be time to find a different therapist.
They ignore cultural or diversity factors.
Your therapist should respect and acknowledge your cultural background and identity. Disregarding these aspects can impact the effectiveness of therapy. If they don’t feel equipped to meet you where you’re at, they can refer you to someone who can.
They have inconsistent availability.
If your therapist frequently cancels sessions, is difficult to reach, or shows unreliability, it may disrupt the continuity of your treatment. This is especially important in virtual therapy sessions. Unless otherwise agreed upon, a therapist should greet you on time, with their camera on. You deserve someone who is going to show up when they tell you.
They’re unwilling to address you concerns.
Therapy can be an imperfect experience. Your therapist might try an exercise that does not work for you. You can give your therapist feedback, and they will adjust their session structure accordingly. These types of conversations are a sign of good therapy and should be encouraged. Your therapist should be open to feedback and discussions about your concerns. If they avoid addressing issues or brush off your feedback, it could hinder the therapeutic process. Sometimes therapy will be hard, and a therapist may push you outside your comfort zone, but if a therapist ever says things like “This is the right way to do it, so we have to do it like this.” or “If you don’t do this, you’ll never heal.” That is unethical behavior.
They push their personal beliefs on you.
A therapist’s personal experiences and beliefs may influence the way they conduct therapy, but they should never push these beliefs onto you or let it cloud their scientific judgement. Psychology is a scientific discipline and research proves what methodologies work. Let’s say you see a therapist for grief therapy after a loved one passes. This therapist also specializes in Christian Therapy, but you tell them you are not of the same belief and do not want that type of therapy during your sessions. At this point, your therapist might say that they do not believe they are a good fit, and will refer you to someone of similar beliefs. If they choose to stay as your therapist, however, then they are committing to not pushing their beliefs on you. Doing so would be a breach of their ethics.
Note that you as the client are permitted and encouraged to talk about your personal beliefs, as they are a part of who you are and can be instinctively important in your recovery. It can be helpful to find a therapist who shares your beliefs, as that shared connection can allow for deeper discussions.
They overstep your boundaries.
Therapists should maintain a professional boundary; this is a legal and ethical matter. Boundaries can include federally-regulated ones, such as keeping your personal information safe and not pursuing outside relationships with clients, or personal ones that you talk with your therapist about. If a federally-regulated boundary is crossed, report them to their board. If it is a personal boundary, consider for yourself how serious that infraction was. Was it the first time a boundary had been crossed? Was it accidental? If you choose to have a conversation about it, how did they respond?
They breach your privacy.
HIPAA privacy laws state that personal information and the content of a session should never be shared, unless there is a threat to your or someone else’s safety or under written consent by the client. HIPAA stands for Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, and it is a federal law that protects your personal information. No personal information, even your name, can be shared with anyone outside of your given consent or an emergency situation. If your therapist breaches HIPAA in any way, leave their services and report them to the board.
They try to form a personal relationship with you.
Under no circumstances should a therapist try to become your friend or get entangled in a romantic or sexual relationship with their client. The 2-year rule for therapists is a guideline in which therapists cannot engage in romantic or sexual relationships with their clients until 2 years have passed since their last therapy session together, but even this is not advised. Many therapists will refuse to have any sort of personal relationship with their clients, ever, and others like to keep a 5-year rule. If a therapist attempts to pursue you in any way, end their services and report them to their governing board.
What do I do if a therapist crosses an ethical boundary?
If a therapist crosses an ethical boundary, there are certain steps you can take to protect yourself. If there was a major breach to your privacy or an attempt to form a personal relationship with you, we recommend you skip down to step 4 and report their behavior.
- Talk to your therapist about it: Have a conversation about your concerns. It may be something that your therapist can easily change.
- Ask to be referred to someone else: If they refuse to change or attempts to change are still met with inadequate sessions, then you might just not be a good fit. This happens, as not every therapist will be the right choice for every person. A therapist is required to give you referrals to other counselors that can help.
- Ask to talk to a supervisor: If the therapist’s behavior has escalated and they are part of a group practice, asking to talk to a supervisor or clinician lead can help. They can lead you on the next steps.
- Report the therapist to their governing board: Every state has a governing board of therapists. All breaches of ethics and law are taken up by this board. A therapist could lose their license and right to practice if major malpractices are found. In the case of the last two flags—breaching of HIPAA violation or pursuing personal relationships outside of therapy—bringing the malpractice to the therapists' governing board is important in protecting future clients.
Finding a good therapist takes time. Do your research beforehand, and don’t be afraid to raise concerns in session. A good therapist will be able to adjust their technique to meet your needs. If not, it is well within your right to “break up” with your therapist and find someone who is a better fit.
Ready to start your therapy journey today? Call Lifebulb to get scheduled with a therapist near you.
