Jun 12, 2025
Depression affects around 5% of the world population. That’s around 280 million people who struggle with depression. The chances of you dating someone with depression aren’t unlikely.
Leaning on a reliable support system is one of the best coping mechanisms for depression. If you love someone with depression, then you are probably a part of this crucial support system. But what does it mean to date someone with depression? Are there things that are different that you should be aware about?
Yes and no. Dating someone with depression will have all the same important cornerstones of any relationship: trust, communication, and mutual affection. However, some things will be different as your loved one battles this mental illness. There are things you can do to support them, but there are also things you should do to support yourself. Giving your all to someone is a quick way to burn out. This article will walk through some helpful tips on how to support a partner with depression as well as give you some ways you can stay healthy while doing so.
Loving someone with depression isn’t a burden, but like any relationship, you have to care for yourself, too.
Signs of Depression in Your Partner
The first step is recognizing depression. If your partner already knows and is being treated for it—great, ask them about their experience and how you can best support them. If they don’t, but you think they might be struggling with depression, look for these signs:
- Persistent Sadness: Your partner may exhibit a prolonged or unexplained feeling of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness.
- Changes in Sleep Patterns: Noticeable shifts in sleep habits, such as insomnia or excessive sleeping, could indicate underlying emotional struggles.
- Loss of Interest: Withdrawal from activities they once enjoyed, decreased motivation, and disinterest in hobbies or social interactions may signal depression.
- Irritability or Restlessness: Heightened irritability, agitation, or restlessness can be manifestations of internal distress.
- Changes in Appetite or Weight: Significant changes in appetite, leading to weight loss or gain, without a clear medical cause may suggest emotional imbalances.
- Fatigue and Low Energy: Persistent feelings of tiredness, low energy levels, and difficulty concentrating can be indicative of depression.
- Self-Criticism and Guilt: Experiencing an overwhelming sense of guilt, self-blame, or harsh self-criticism may be a sign of depressive thoughts and feelings.
- Physical Ailments: Unexplained physical complaints, such as headaches, digestive issues, or general pain, can be linked to underlying depression.
- Changes in Behavior: Noticeable changes in behavior, such as increased substance use, reckless activities, or engaging in high-risk behaviors.
- Suicidal Thoughts: Expressing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, or engaging in self-destructive behaviors, requires immediate and professional intervention.
If you recognize these signs in your partner and they aren’t already receiving treatment for depression, approach them with love and care. Bring up your concerns and talk to them about the symptoms of depression. Then, encourage them to seek treatment. This could be by taking antidepressants or talking to a depression therapist.
Things to Know when Dating Someone with Depression
There are a lot of misconceptions about depression, so let’s clear up some confusion. Here are five things you should know when dating someone with depression:
- They won’t always act sad: Sadness is one facet of depression, but not everyone with depression will experience it. Other signs like hopelessness, low energy, and changes in behavior are common.
- You might feel rejected at times. Your partner may not have the energy to plan elaborate dates or be up for high-intensity activities and intimacy. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their mental illness.
- It won’t look the same as other relationships. Your relationship might not be as flashy as relationships you see on TV. Try not to compare yourself to others in this way.
- You can’t fix them. Their depression is not your fault and is not yours to fix. You can be there to support and love them through it, but they have to take the steps to treat their depression.
- Communication might be different. There is a lot of advice out there about how to best communicate (including this article about the best communication tips!) but they might not apply to you and your relationship. Depression is a mental illness that can change how we think, feel, and see the world. Therefore, you might need to work with your partner to find communication styles that work for you.
Depression is just one part of your partner. You see them for who they are and love them for it.
How to Care For Yourself When Your Partner Has Depression
As much as you love your partner, you also have to take care of yourself. It can be hard to love someone with a mental illness. Not taking time for yourself will lead to burnout. Here are some tips on how to take care of yourself when your partner has depression:
- Don’t try to fix your partner. You can’t “fix” your partner, no matter how much you love them. Instead, try practicing acceptance while being there to support them.
- Don’t put your life on hold. If your partner has depression, they may find it difficult to get out of bed, hang out with friends, or engage in hobbies. However, just because they feel this way doesn’t mean you have to as well. Don’t stop chasing your own personal goals or engaging in your own personal hobbies. Doing so helps your partner find the energy and motivation to pursue their own little moments of happiness as well.
- Have your own friends. This is good advice for all couples, but especially when your partner struggles with depression. Although the common saying is “relationships are 50/50”, this is untrue. Sometimes you might be giving 70, 80, or even 100% when your partner is really struggling. (Energies fluctuate. Keep an eye on your own burnout levels and communicate with them when you’re stressed.) One way to prevent burnout is by having your own friends with who you can hang out.
- Engage in your hobbies. Don’t lose touch with who you are. What are your passions and dreams? How can you take a step towards them today?
- Take time for yourself. Supporting a partner who is struggling is a great act of love, but you cannot pour from an empty cup. This means you must take time to yourself to refill your energy.
- Set boundaries. What are you willing and unwilling to do for your partner? Consider financial and chore responsibilities. Every answer will be different and there is no wrong answer, so long as you talk to your partner about it and set up clear expectations and boundaries.
- Talk to a therapist. Caregivers need a therapist, too. It can be hard living with someone with depression, because that feeling can rub off on you. It can be heartbreaking to watch someone you love struggle and feel powerless to stop it. Talking to a therapist will help you prevent burnout and stay happy and fulfilled.
You know that loving someone with depression is not a burden, but it can come with its own struggles. Take time today for yourself, and reach out to a therapist to talk about your experiences.
Lifebulb has therapists who are available to talk to you today. Contact our team or browse our list of available therapists near you.
