9 Narcissistic traits to look out for

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

When most people think of a narcissist, they’re really thinking of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD for short. 

Between .5 and 5% of people in the US have NPD—around 1 in 200. Many more, however, exhibit narcissistic traits. People can have characteristics of narcissism without meeting the qualifications for NPD, a mental health disorder. 

It is true that people with narcissism and those with NPD are more likely to abuse, manipulate, and control the people around them. However, as we’ll discover later, it is possible for people with narcissistic traits to change and become self-aware of the harm they’ve caused and work to change. 

9 Narcissistic Traits To Look Out For

The DSM-5 lists 9 traits of NPD. At least five must be present for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder to be given. However, it is possible to exhibit high levels of narcissistic traits without being diagnosed with NPD. 

The symptoms listed in the DSM-5 are: 

• Grandiose sense of self-importance
• Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or love
• Belief that they are special and unique
• Need for excessive admiration
• Sense of entitlement
• Exploitive Behavior
• Lack of Empathy
• Envy of others
• Arrogant or haughty behavior

Let’s take a look at examples of what these narcissistic traits would look like in real life. 

What does living with a narcissist do to you?

The long-term effects of living with a narcissist who is abusive can include mental health issues such as PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Other potential effects of living with a narcissist include:

• Low self-esteem
• Future relationship issues
• Physical health problems
• Feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt

All of these can lead to making daily functioning very hard. Recovery from narcissistic abuse is possible through therapy. 

Do you think you might suffer from PTSD or trauma? Take our free, online PTSD assessment to be screened for trauma symptoms.

How does a narcissist apologize?

There are two types of apologies: sincere and insincere. A sincere apology will be backed up by action and behavior to keep you safe, including ending the relationship while they gain better awareness and healthy coping skills. 

An insincere apology is one that is meant to lure you back to them and forgive them. This is often the first step of a narcissistic love bombing, which is a manipulation tactic in which they flood you with love so that you trust them again. 

An insincere narcissistic apology may look like: 

• Shifting the blame: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” 
• Vague: “I guess I should apologize.”
• Deflective: “I’m sorry, but this never would have happened if you weren’t so sensitive. I’m hurt, too!” 
• Defensive: “I’m sorry that you don’t understand me.”
• Attempt to gain pity: “I’m sorry I’m such an awful person. It’s only because of what happened to me, I told you.”
• Generalize: “I’m sorry, it won’t ever happen again.” (Not backed by sustained actions.)

These are some examples of a narcissistic apology, but the only ones. If you aren’t sure if someone’s apology is sincere, talk to your support system, and make sure they follow up with sustained actions to change their behavior. 

NPD Trait 1: Grandiose sense of self-importance

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder tend to think that they are better than anyone. They may think that their work couldn’t continue without them, that their partner will never find love again after them, or that, in general, everything would fall apart if they weren’t around.

NPD Trait 2: Preoccupation with fantasies

These fantasies might be of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love: People with NPD think that they deserve success, power, beauty, and love. They see obstacles that prevent them from this as unjust and unfair. Often this belief is at odds with their actual skill levels and experience. For example, assuming they’ll be hired into a higher executive position without experience or that everyone at a party wants to be with them.

NPD Trait 3: Belief that they are special and unique

This is tied to the sense of self-importance; narcissists believe they belong in high authority cliques and therefore only want to associate with those in prestigious positions. It’s the “let me talk to your manager” mindset, because talking to a service worker is beneath them.

NPD Trait 4: Need for excessive admiration

This could be considered the core trait of narcissism and what drives them to do everything else they do. NPD is a deficit in self-worth and self-esteem, and the need to find those things in others. As a result, they will go to extreme lengths to get others to admire them, adore them, and respect them.

NPD Trait 5: Sense of entitlement

Because of the traits above, narcissists believe they are entitled to good things. This may be money, attention, or opportunities. 

NPD Trait 6: Exploitative behavior

Narcissists have two parallel ways of seeing the world: a lack of self-awareness and a lack of awareness of others' emotions, thoughts, and experiences. The result is frequently exploiting others. To a narcissist, it’s no big deal to ask you to give up something special or drop everything to be with them. They can’t fathom how they aren’t the center of your world.

NPD Trait 7: Lack of empathy

Linked to exploitive behavior is a Narcissist's lack of empathy (and part of the reason why Narcissists and empaths often get into a relationship). This is different than not caring. People who don’t care understand that there is something to care about. Narcissists exhibit a lack of understanding that others have emotions, thoughts, and experiences unique to them. Through practice and therapy, Narcissists can develop “cognitive empathy”, so even though they won’t feel empathetic towards others, they understand cognitively the plights of others.

NPD Trait 8: Envy

This can be envy of others or the belief that others are envious of him or her. Despite an arrogant exterior, a narcissist is constantly comparing themselves to others. They want to know how they compare to the people around them and quickly become envious and jealous of anyone they either perceive as better than them or not envious of them. 

NPD Trait 9: Arrogant and haughty behaviors

Often one of the easiest narcissistic traits to spot, arrogance and self-centeredness mark a narcissist’s behavior. They will talk down to you, patronize you, and gloat without remorse. 

Because of these traits, narcissists frequently—but not always—exhibit controlling, manipulating, and even abusive behavior. 

Remember that not everyone who exhibits these traits can be diagnosed with NPD. Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people experience a lot of it and are diagnosed with a personality disorder.

What Is Narcissistic Supply?

People with NPD have a root issue of self-esteem and self-worth. They cannot make their own self-esteem and self-worth, so they seek it from others. 

The attention, validation, and praise people with NPD get from others is considered their “supply”, because they are addicted to it in much the same way that people with substance use disorder are addicted to drugs.  

The reason many people with NPD resort to abusive, manipulative, and controlling tactics is to get this narcissistic supply. For example, they will use manipulation tactics such as love bombing you and then pull away, causing you to chase them and heap compliments and praise onto them.

Can Narcissists Change?

Yes. Narcissists can change with the help of medication and talk therapy. However, narcissists must want to change. If they don’t, then therapy won’t work. 

Unfortunately, because most narcissists struggle with self-awareness, many will never seek change and healing. They believe they are doing nothing wrong, so why should they change? 

It’s important to note that a relationship cannot change a narcissist. They will not change for someone they claim to love; they must be willing to change on their own. Staying in a relationship with a narcissist with the hope of changing them will not work. In fact, leaving them may be the only way they finally understand the harm they are causing and seek change.  

Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is a term coined by survivors of abuse at the hands of a narcissist. It is unique to other forms of abuse because of its controlling and manipulative nature. Narcissistic abuse usually happens within a personal relationship: romantic, friendship, parent-child, or even in a work environment. 

Being emotionally and mentally abused by a narcissist can cause trauma and PTSD. Therapy is one way you can begin to heal from this abuse. 

Therapy for NPD

If someone with NPD is truly willing to change, therapy can help. Science shows that intensive psychotherapy is effective at reducing narcissistic traits and even putting people with NPD into remission. This means that although they will probably still exhibit higher-than-average levels of narcissistic traits, they no longer meet the qualifications of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. With awareness, continued therapy, and a support system, they can avoid the more harmful aspects of narcissism. 

For more information about therapy for either narcissistic abuse survivors or narcissistic personality disorder, call our team at Lifebulb or browse our list of therapists near you. 

Find Your Therapist