9 Narcissistic traits to look out for

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

When most people think of a narcissist they’re really thinking of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD for short. Between .5 and 5% of people in the US have narcissism—around 1 in 200. Many more, however, exhibit narcissistic traits. People can have characteristics of narcissism without meeting the qualifications for NPD, a mental health disorder. 

It is true that people with narcissism and those with NPD are more likely to abuse, manipulate, and control the people around them. However, as we’ll discover later, it is possible for people with narcissistic traits to change and become self-aware of the harm they’ve caused and work to change. 

9 Characteristics of a Narcissist

The DSM-5 lists 9 traits of NPD. At least five must be present for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder to be given. However, it is possible to exhibit high levels of narcissistic traits without being diagnosed with NPD. 

The symptoms listed in the DSM-5 are: 

1. Grandiose sense of self-importance: People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder tend to think that they are better than anyone. They may think that their work couldn’t continue without them, that their partner will never find love again after them, or that, in general, everything would fall apart if they weren’t around. 
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love: People with NPD think that they deserve success, power, beauty, and love. They see obstacles that prevent them from this as unjust and unfair. Often this belief is at odds with their actual skill levels and experience. For example, assuming they’ll be hired into a higher executive position without experience or that everyone at a party wants to be with them. 
3. Belief that they are special and unique: This is tied to the sense of self-importance; narcissists believe they belong in high authority cliques and therefore only want to associate with those in prestigious positions. It’s the “let me talk to your manager” mindset, because talking to a service worker is beneath them. 
4. Need for excessive admiration: This could be considered the core trait of narcissism and what drives them to do everything else they do. NPD is a deficit in self-worth and self-esteem and the need to find those things in others. As a result, they will go to extreme lengths to get others to admire them, adore them, and respect them. 
5. Sense of entitlement: Because of the traits above, narcissists believe they are entitled to good things. This may be money, attention, or opportunities.  
6. Exploitive behavior: Narcissists have two parallel ways of seeing the world: a lack of self-awareness and a lack of awareness of others' emotions, thoughts, and experiences. The result is frequently exploiting others. To a narcissist, it’s no big deal to ask you to give up something special or drop everything to be with them. They can’t fathom how they aren’t the center of your world. 
7. Lack of empathy: Linked to exploitive behavior is a Narcissist's lack of empathy (and part of the reason why Narcissists and empaths often get into a relationship). This is different than not caring. People who don’t care understand that there is something to care about. Narcissists exhibit a lack of understanding that others have emotions, thoughts, and experiences unique to them. Through practice and therapy, Narcissists can develop “cognitive empathy”, so even though they won’t feel empathetic towards others, they understand cognitively the plights of others. 
8. Envy of others or belief that others are envious of him or her: Despite an arrogant exterior, a narcissist is constantly comparing themselves to others. They want to know how they compare to the people around them and quickly become envious and jealous of anyone they either perceive as better than them or not envious of them.  
9. Demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes: Often one of the easiest narcissistic traits to spot, arrogance and self-centeredness mark a narcissist’s behavior. They will talk down to you, patronize you, and gloat without remorse. 

Because of these traits, narcissists frequently—but not always—exhibit controlling, manipulating, and even abusive behavior. 

Remember that not everyone who exhibits these traits can be diagnosed with NPD. Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people experience a lot of it and are diagnosed with a personality disorder.

What Is Narcissistic Supply?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is, like everything listed in a DSM, a mental health disorder. People with NPD do not choose to have narcissistic traits. (Although it’s important to remember that abuse is always a choice.) People with NPD have a root issue of self-esteem and self-worth. They cannot make their own self-esteem and self-worth, so they seek it from others. The attention, validation, and praise people with NPD get from others is considered their “supply”, because they are addicted to it much in the same way that people with substance use disorder are addicted to drugs.  

The reason many people with NPD resort to abusive, manipulative, and controlling tactics is to get this narcissistic supply. For example, they will use manipulation tactics such as love bombing you and then pull away, causing you to chase them and heap compliments and praise onto them.

Can Narcissists Change?

Yes. Narcissists can change with the help of medication and talk therapy. However, narcissists must want to change. If they don’t, then therapy won’t work. 

Unfortunately, because most narcissists struggle with self-awareness, many will never seek change and healing. They believe they are doing nothing wrong, so why should they change? 

It’s important to note that a relationship cannot change a narcissist. They will not change for someone they claim to love; they must be willing to change on their own. Staying in a relationship with a narcissist with the hope of changing them will not work. In fact, leaving them may be the only way they finally understand the harm they are causing and seek change.  

Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is a term coined by survivors of abuse at the hands of a narcissist. It is unique to other forms of abuse because of its controlling and manipulative nature. Narcissistic abuse usually happens within a personal relationship: romantic, friendship, parent-child, or even in a work environment. 

Being emotionally and mentally abused by a narcissist can cause trauma and PTSD. Therapy is one way you can begin to heal from this abuse. 

Therapy for NPD

If someone with NPD is truly willing to change, therapy can help. Science shows that intensive psychotherapy is effective at reducing narcissistic traits and even putting people with NPD into remission. This means that although they will probably still exhibit higher-than-average levels of narcissistic traits, they no longer meet the qualifications of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. With awareness, continued therapy, and a support system, they can avoid the more harmful aspects of narcissism. 

Conclusion

Narcissistic traits are harmful to everyone involved. If you recognize narcissistic traits in someone close to you, start setting healthy boundaries with them. Bring up your observations to them only if you feel safe. Understand that you may need to leave the relationship if you begin to notice signs of narcissistic abuse or manipulation. 

If you recognize these signs in yourself, remember that therapy is proven to be effective in reducing narcissistic traits in individuals. There is a huge amount of stigma surrounding people with NPD, making it a hard diagnosis to accept. But if you are serious about healing your internal wounds and changing for the better, there is hope for lasting, healthy relationships with those you care about. 

For more information about therapy for either narcissistic abuse survivors or narcissistic personality disorder, call our team at Lifebulb or browse our list of therapists near you. 

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