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What to do when you hate your life: Overcoming Hopelessness

I hate my life

We’ve all had those days where nothing goes right: your coffee spilled, your boss is mad at you, traffic was bad on the way home, and your pet ate the trash. In this situation, you wouldn’t be the only one closing your eyes and saying “I hate my life.” 

But what about when that sentiment sticks around day after day? When it’s no longer just a joke or a way to vent frustration but something you can’t stop feeling? 

If you hate your life, yourself, or are struggling to find a reason to live, know that you are not alone. Whether this feeling stems from an immediate life event or has been festering for years, there is hope. This article goes over some of the reasons why people hate their life and ways to cope, find reasons to live, and start living brightly again.

Suicide Hotlines

If “I hate my life” turns into “I don’t want to live anymore”, there are people you can talk to who will be in your corner. 

For immediate mental and physical health help, call 911. 

To talk to someone immediately, call or text these numbers:

  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
  • National Suicide and Crisis Hotline: Call or text 988
  • Trevor Project: Text or Call 678-678

“Why do I hate my life” Reasons you might be struggling

It’s normal to hate your life or even yourself at times. As humans, we endure a multitude of ups and downs. Reasons you may hate your life right now include mental health, cognitive biases, and life events.

Mental health

Mental health disorders can make you feel like you hate yourself or your life. Fortunately, treatment for mental health issues has come a long way. There are now more specific treatments for mental health disorders that are severe, long-lasting, or treatment-resistant. 

Depression and other mental health issues

Depression can be debilitating. Common symptoms include hopelessness, worthlessness, or emptiness, all experiences that can lead people to say “I hate my life” or even “I hate myself.” If you resonate with these experiences, treatment options are out there. Although around 5% of the world population experiences depression, upwards of 54% of people recover within a year without specific treatment. The recovery rate with treatment is higher, although it can take some people with severe depression longer to recover. 

It can feel hopeless to have tried treatments without any luck. If even the most evidence-based treatments don’t work for you, is there any reason to keep trying? Yes. Treatment-resistant depression is relatively common, with around 30% of people who were diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) being resistant to common treatments of CBT, medication, and other talk therapies. 

There has been research into alternative therapy methods for people with treatment-resistant depression. Therapies such as EMDR, Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT), Ketamine, Brain stimulation treatment, Wellbutrin, and even Psilocybin. Note that not all of these therapies are FDA approved and in the earlier stages of research although they are all evidence-based and backed by major hospitals, like Johns Hopkins.  

If you experience long-term, persistent depression, it may also be a sign of a greater mental health issue like Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder. Talk to a therapist about what treatment path would be right for you and your treatment-resistant depression. 

Substance abuse

If you frequently use drugs and alcohol to cope with life, you could be altering your brain chemistry. Drugs and alcohol impair the brain and life functioning, often exacerbating feelings of hatred towards yourself or your life. Also, substance abuse is frequently found alongside mental health issues, which can complicate the situation. Treatment for substance use is possible. 

Traumatic experiences

Did you know trauma, especially childhood trauma, can rewrite the brain? Traumatic experiences are known to even change personalities. If you’ve experienced a trauma, it’s possible you’re thinking “I hate my life” because you’re stuck in a fight-or-flight response. Healing from trauma can take time, but it is possible. Similar to treatment-resistant depression, there are newer technologies and treatments for complex-PTSD and severe PTSD that can be helpful in healing and recovery.

Cognitive Biases

Our thoughts are powerful. Think of every thought as a path through your brain. The more frequently a thought walks a certain path, the more pronounced that path becomes. So if you frequently think “I hate myself”, that path in your brain becomes strong. Eventually, you start to believe it. 

Cognitive biases are thought patterns that are very strong, but not always true. Let’s take a look at a few and explore how they can cause you to think “I hate my life”. 

  1. Pushing aside pain: If you are hurting but aren’t letting others (or even yourself) see it, you’re diminishing your pain. You’re essentially gaslighting yourself into thinking everything is fine. If you’re struggling, reach out for help. Let your friends know. Allow yourself to be supported. 
  2. Cognitive Distortions: There are many cognitive distortions that can lead to hating yourself or life. They are also the building blocks of many mental health issues such as anxiety. 
  3. Comparing yourself to others: In today’s world of social media, it is all too easy to compare yourself. If you are constantly looking around and wanting what others have instead of building your own rich, vibrant life, it is easy to slip into a hole of self-loathing. 
  4.  Low Self-Esteem: Self-Worth and Self-compassion are incredibly important to our mental health. If you don’t think you can do hard things, aren’t worth it, or don’t deserve good things, your mental health will suffer.

Life Events

Sometimes, you don’t hate everything, you don’t even hate life, you just hate where you are right now. When life circumstances sour, it’s hard not to slip into despair. If you are struggling with some of the situations below, it can help to start brainstorming and implementing steps to get out of your situation. 

  1. You hate your career: Most people don’t like their jobs; 60% say they’re emotionally detached from their jobs and 19% report being miserable. If you hate your job, where you spend 40+ hours of your week not including commuting or getting ready every morning, then life might start to feel pretty awful too. 
  2. You hate your living situation: If you are stuck in a city you hate or with bad or toxic roommates, life is going to start feeling pretty hard. This is especially true in situations that can feel (and, in many cases, is) very hard to escape. Situations like highschool, living with an abusive family, or poverty can make it feel like you’re trapped. Although many of these situations are incredibly hard to get out of, there are steps you can take to better your situation. We’ll explore more below. 
  3. “I hate who I am”, Hobbies, Friends: Other times, everything is going well, but you still can’t shake a hatred for yourself for your life. First, check with a therapist or doctor to make sure you’re not struggling with a mental health disorder, which can create negative self-talk. If you still think “I hate who I am”, it might be time to take a microscope to your friends, hobbies, and lifestyle. What feels true to you and what feels like an imposter? Prune your life until only the parts that you love remain. 

What to Do if You Hate Your Life

  1. Get mental health support: Seeking professional help can provide valuable guidance and support on your journey to brighter days. Don’t wait to seek treatment for mental health issues. If finances are an issue, look into free mental health care near you. 
  2. Get out of dangerous situations: If you are living in a toxic or abusive situation, your primary goal should be to get out. There are many organizations dedicated to helping people escape dangerous situations. Reach out to friends and families you trust and take the leap. 
  3. Make an escape plan: If you’re in a difficult phase of life (like Highschool or young adulthood) or struggling with something out of your control (like finances or physical health problems), making a long-term plan for your success and happiness can give you something to hold on to. For example, create a budget and get friends and families to hold you accountable. There are things in life outside of your control. Focus on what you can control. 
  4. Connect with a social group: Building connections with others can provide support, understanding, and a sense of belonging. If you don’t know anyone in your area, join groups where you can. 
  5. Build a positive mindset: Cultivating a positive outlook can help you navigate challenges and see the world in a brighter light. You could try journaling, mindfulness, meditation, or just practice catching negative thoughts and replacing them with positive thoughts. 
  6. Take care of your body: Prioritize self-care through healthy habits to nurture your physical and mental well-being. Eat well, sleep plenty, exercise, and get lots of sunlight!
  7. Do something you're passionate about: Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can uplift your spirits and provide a sense of purpose. Even if it’s just for thirty minutes every night, try to do one thing a day that really makes you excited. 
  8. Practice self-compassion: Being kind to yourself and treating yourself with understanding can help counteract feelings of self-hatred. Life is hard! It’s okay if you’re feeling exhausted and broken down. Give yourself time to rest, recover, and then keep striving for a life that you feel good about.  
  9. Set screen limits for yourself: Limiting screen time can promote mindfulness, reduce stress, and encourage healthier lifestyle habits. We often turn to social media or entertainment to distract ourselves from difficult feelings of self-hatred or hopelessness. Replace that distraction with helpful and healthy coping mechanisms. 
  10. Make exciting plans: Looking forward to future experiences, adventures, and goals can inspire hope and enthusiasm for life. For example, plan a brunch with friends, a movie night, or a short road trip. 

Some things aren’t easy fixes. Life can throw challenges on us that feel insurmountable. What’s frustrating is that these likely aren’t even your fault! When you’re feeling hopeless or like you hate life, remind yourself of your own strength and power. What is one thing you can do right now that will make everything a little less heavy? Is there something you can do that would bring your peace, happiness, or joy? What about a goal you can take one small step towards?

Suicide Awareness: What to know

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know that you are not alone in your pain. Your feelings are valid, and help is available to support you through this difficult time. Your life is precious, and there is hope for brighter days ahead.

Signs of Suicidal Ideation to Look Out For:

  1. Talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, or like a burden to others.
  2. Withdrawing from loved ones and activities once enjoyed.
  3. Expressing a desire to die or escape unbearable pain.
  4. Increased use of drugs or alcohol.
  5. Extreme mood swings or sudden calmness after a period of deep distress.
  6. Engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviors.

Resources for People Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts:

  1. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - Available 24/7 for support and resources.
  2. Crisis Text Line: Text "HELLO" to 741741 - Confidential crisis support via text message.
  3. Mental Health America: Provides information and resources for mental health support and crisis intervention.
  4. Therapy Services: Seek help from a licensed therapist or counselor experienced in working with suicidal ideation.
  5. Suicide Prevention Apps: Consider using apps like MY3 or Suicide Safety Plan to create coping strategies and access support in times of crisis.

Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve care, compassion, and support during this challenging time. Your life matters, and there are individuals ready to listen, understand, and guide you toward a path of healing and hope.

If you would like a mental health therapist to support you through this time, Lifebulb is here for you. We accept most major insurance plans and can get you in with a qualified therapist quickly. Call our team or schedule an appointment with a licensed therapist today. 

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Frequently Asked Questions

 Feeling like you hate your life can stem from various experiences and emotions. It may be due to ongoing stress, past traumas, feelings of inadequacy, or struggles with mental health issues like depression or anxiety. It's important to explore these feelings with a therapist or counselor to identify underlying causes and work towards healing and a brighter outlook.

 Learning to cultivate self-compassion and challenging negative self-talk are key steps in shifting from self-hatred to self-acceptance. Practice mindfulness, engage in self-care activities, seek therapy to address underlying issues, and surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who appreciate your worth and uniqueness.

 When you find yourself hating your life, it's essential to reach out for support. Talk to a therapist, trusted friend, or family member about your struggles. Focus on self-care, engage in activities that bring you joy, set small achievable goals, and consider seeking professional help to explore the root causes of your despair and develop coping strategies.

 Hating everything can be a sign of underlying mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or unresolved trauma. It may also indicate feelings of hopelessness, overwhelm, or dissatisfaction with life circumstances. Seeking therapy can help you understand and address these deep-rooted emotions.

 Feeling lost or uncertain about your life path is a common experience. Take time to self-reflect, explore your interests and values, set personal goals, seek guidance from a career coach or therapist, and consider trying out different experiences or opportunities to discover what brings you fulfillment and purpose.

 It's common to experience periods of self-doubt, low self-esteem, or self-criticism. However, prolonged feelings of self-hatred can indicate deeper emotional issues that may benefit from professional intervention. Remember, you deserve kindness, compassion, and support as you navigate through these difficult emotions.

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