Dec 4, 2025
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) affects between .5% and 5% of the U.S. population. It can be hard to identify a narcissist. They often appear charming, good-natured, and like they truly care for you. However, relationships with people with NPD often end in abuse and manipulation.
With therapy and mental health support, someone with NPD can grow aware of their behavior, put a stop to it, and have healthy, loving relationships.
This article goes over how to spot a narcissist by taking a look at 5 key signs.
How a Narcissist Behaves
Common behaviors of a narcissist include:
- Love bombing: A common manipulation tactic. Love bombing involves showering someone in compliments, gifts, and attention to make them attached. After a sufficient bond has been formed, the love bombing will turn sour and result in emotional abuse, gaslighting, yelling, name-calling, and other manipulation tactics. Narcissists will also use love bombing if it looks like their partner might leave them, to lure their partner into a false sense of security and love.
- Gaslighting: A form of manipulation. Gaslighting is making someone question their own beliefs, memories, morals, or interests. For example, you know your partner shouldn't have yelled at you like they did, but over the course of a conversation, you start to believe that it was all your fault. This is gaslighting.
- Using others for their own gain: A narcissist is someone who is deeply selfish because they believe they are inheriting better than everyone else. They will be charming and flatter others to get their own way, but are ruthless in using and discarding people, too.
- Think they’re always right: No matter the evidence to the contrary, a narcissist will hold their position, using gaslighting and other means of manipulation to convince you of the same if needed.
- Lash out when angry: A narcissist will rarely, if ever, take blame or ownership of a problem, instead choosing to blame their issues on others. This can result in them lashing out at the most minor of inconveniences. They believe they are entitled to the best, and will get angry if the best is not what they are given.
These are only some of the behaviors of a narcissist. They may behave in unexpected ways to get what they want.
How a Narcissist Talks
Narcissists have a different way of talking, too. During a conversation, they are likely to:
- Hog conversations: A simpler sign of narcissism is if they dominate the conversation. Someone with NPD will not be interested in what you have to say or think. Instead, they will want to talk about themselves.
- Seek compliments: Despite their arrogant nature, the core of NPD is a fragile self-esteem that requires others to prop them up. A narcissist will constantly seek compliments and flattery, therefore.
Call out: Pro tip: Seeking compliments doesn’t always mean talking about themselves highly. Sometimes, putting themselves down is a way to garner pity and validation. For example, if someone says, “I’m just so awful. I can’t do anything right. No one loves me.” Your first response might be, “That’s not true! I love you and I think you’re amazing!” In this way, a narcissist gets the flattery they’re looking for.
- Quick to dismiss other feelings: If you do try to get a word in the conversation, you’re likely to be shut down or ignored. Talking to a narcissist feels like talking to a wall; nothing you’re saying gets through to them. . . unless you start talking about them. Suddenly, they’re interested, and their reaction will depend on if you are saying something good or bad about them. (They are likely to lash out or act very defensively if you say something bad.)
It’s important to consider many aspects of someone when looking for signs of narcissism. Just because someone hogs most of the conversation does not mean they’re a narcissist. (They could just be bad at active listening!) But these symptoms, in addition to other signs, are a red flag.
How a Narcissist Apologizes
A narcissist's apology is very distinct. They will never take true blame and instead try to shift the blame onto someone else.
For example, a narcissist might apologize by saying,
- Minimizing the situation: “I was just kidding.”
- Blame shifting: “I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
- Focusing on your fault: “It’s not my fault you’re so sensitive.”
- Conditional apologies: “I’m sorry if I accidentally did something wrong.”
- The deja-vu apology: “I’ve already apologized for this.”
The goal of a narcissist’s apology is to get you to feel bad.
How a Narcissist Loves
A narcissist’s relationships are often short-lived and filled with big mood swings and explosive emotions. A narcissist needs others to support their low self-esteem. They are validated by others’ needs and desires. This makes relationships a very appealing thing to them.
However, an untreated narcissist is unlikely to truly fall in love or care about someone, and they’re unlikely to have lasting relationships.
The feelings a narcissist is likely to have are superficial and conditional. It feels good to have someone new obsess over them, and so they’ll keep you around until they grow tired of you.
Is love completely out of the equation for narcissists? No, but they have to be willing to put in the work to change. A Narcissist can change through therapy, but it will take work.
A narcissist who loves you will listen to you, respect you, and show they care through their actions. They will be actively seeking treatment and implementing their treatment plan. (Not just going to therapy for show.)
Remember, you cannot change a narcissist. Your love cannot change a narcissist. The only person who can change their behavior is themselves. If you are in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, do not wait for them to change.
How They Treat Others
A narcissist’s behavior can be confusing because they can be both charming and dismissive. They might seem like the most romantic person you know, and later that same day, they hurl insults at you.
How a narcissist treats others is often the biggest clue to their narcissism. Here are some signs:
- They are overly charming at first, but will use you later on.
- They treat you like a pawn or someone inferior.
- They lie easily and without remorse.
- They betray easily and without remorse
- They will put others down if it means they are in a more advantageous position.
A narcissist is someone who has very low self-esteem and requires others to fill that void. (Something called the “narcissistic supply”.)
They will do just about anything to get this supply of adoration and validation. This requires them to be both charming and manipulative.
What To Do When You Recognize NPD Traits
If you recognize these habits in someone you love, what do you do?
The first step is to make sure you’re safe. Are you physically safe? Financially safe? Emotionally?
If not, seek help. Talk to a friend or family member you trust, contact a hotline, or talk to a therapist. These people can help you form a safety plan.
If you aren’t in danger, see if you can distance yourself from them.
If you aren’t able to find distance (like if they’re a coworker, a family member, or a long-term partner that you share kids or financial assets with), here are some things you can do:
- Educate yourself on Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
- Set firm boundaries.
- Take care of your own mental health.
- Don’t let yourself be manipulated.
- Talk to a therapist.
Navigating a relationship with someone with narcissism is exhausting and confusing. A therapist is a neutral, third-party observer who can help you sort out what’s really happening and provide coping skills to help you handle the situation.
If you’re seeking therapy for narcissistic abuse or on how to handle narcissism, Lifebulb can help. We have therapists who accept most major insurances and who are ready to see you this week.
Contact our team or browse our list of therapists near you.
