Only Child Syndrome in Adults: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatments

What is only child syndrome?

This idea that only children are excessively spoiled, lonely, can’t share, and other negative stereotypes comes from a survey study done in the 19th century by E. W. Bohannon from Clark University in Massachusetts. In this study, he had 200 people fill out a detailed survey asking them about the peculiarities of any only children they knew. 196 of these respondents said only children were excessively spoiled. 

This idea took and started to spread into pop psychology, where it went unrefuted until Toni Folbo conducted a different survey in 1986. In this survey, she consulted around 200 previous studies done throughout the years to look for differences between only children and siblings. Her only significant finding? Only children have a stronger bond with their parents. There were no other scientifically recorded differences. 

A 2018 study concluded the same: only children have an easier time talking with their parents, but that is the only significant difference. 

If this is true, what is only child syndrome? 

Only child syndrome is a set of perceived personality traits of only children, usually negative. Although it may fit some people, and there are some definite differences in growing up an only child, it is not the only child status that is to blame.

Is only child syndrome a real thing?

Scientifically, no. There is no research to prove that “only child syndrome” is real. However, there is plenty of anecdotal evidence to support the personality traits that can arise from being an only child. 

Being an only child does not put you at greater risk for mental health disorders. However, some circumstances surrounding being an only child may increase your risk of developing mental health issues. For example, a big protective factor against mental illness is a strong support system; many people count their siblings as part of their inner support system, so only children may have to work harder to find support outside of their immediate family. Also, based on anecdotal stories, parents of only children can exhibit parenting styles that have been linked to anxiety, depression, and issues forming healthy adult relationships. This can include an overly authoritative parenting style, coddling, or helicopter parenting style. This can result in the development of an insecure attachment style, making it difficult for only children to form healthy relationships as adults. 

However, it’s important to note that any correlation between only children and mental health issues is just that: a correlation. It is other factors—parenting style, lack of support system, and poverty, among others—that are direct risk factors for mental health issues. 

Only child traits

In pop-psychology, traits of an only child include:

• Strong desire for attention and validation from others
• Perfectionism and high expectations for themselves
• Difficulty sharing or compromising in social situations
• Loneliness
• Self-centeredness or selfishness
• Spoiled, desire to have things given to them

In truth, these are all heavily exaggerated, if not outright false. Can only children be self-centered, attention-driven, lonely, and spoiled? Definitely. So can children with siblings. 

Instead, a more accurate (but still generalized) set of only child traits include:

• Strong need for alone time and personal space
• Independence and self-reliance, but occasional challenges in adapting to group dynamics
• Striving for approval and seeking validation from authority figures
• Highly developed imagination and creative problem-solving skills from relying on solo play
• Potential struggles in navigating conflict resolution and negotiating skills

Keep in mind this list of traits is about as accurate as saying “all oldest children are great leaders” or “middle children are always trouble makers”. There is definitely some truth behind the psychology of sibling dynamics, and being an only child will result in a different set of experiences that can shape young children’s personalities and mental health. But generalizations to all only children cannot be made.

Only child syndrome in adults

As adults, only children may find it more difficult to relate to others. If not given enough social opportunities, they may find it more difficult to form relationships with their peers. However, if only children are given enough opportunities to form their own relationships growing up, this difference largely disappears. 

At the end of the day, it is much more important for a child to have a nurturing home life, rich social experiences, and a strong parent-child connection. Having siblings or not is largely negligible compared to these traits, as both science and anecdotal stories have shown. 

Therapy for only children

It is not being an only child that creates mental health issues; however it is still possible for only children to experience mental health issues. In this case, the unique experiences of growing up an only child may come into play. Our childhood experiences can have a big impact on our mental health as an adult, so finding a therapist who understands that is important. 

Only children can experience all the same mental health issues that children with siblings can experience, including:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Bipolar Disorder
• PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
• OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)
• Eating Disorders
• ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)
• Substance Abuse
• Borderline Personality Disorder
• Schizophrenia
• Relationship Issues

And more, this is not a complete list. 

If you are an only child struggling with your mental health, it’s important to have a therapist who understands you. At Lifebulb, we have over 100 therapists located across the U.S. Call our team to be matched with a therapist today or browse therapists near you to find someone who meets your needs. 

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