Only Child Syndrome in Adults: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatments

What is only child syndrome?

Only child syndrome is the idea that children without siblings are spoiled. People say that only children are lonely, selfish, socially awkward, bossy, too independent, or too dependent.

The idea comes from a survey study done in the 19th century by E. W. Bohannon from Clark University in Massachusetts. In this study, he had 200 people fill out a detailed survey asking them about the peculiarities of any only children they knew. 196 of these respondents said only children were excessively spoiled. 

This idea took hold and started to spread into pop psychology, where it was unrefuted until Toni Falbo. Falbo conducted a different survey in 1986 where she studied children in the U.S. and China, from a variety of classes and races. She and her colleague, Denise Polit, consulted 115 previous studies done throughout the years. They analyzed children's development, adjustment, personality, sociability, intelligence and achievement. Her significant findings? Only children have a stronger bond with their parents. And, only children and firstborn children scored higher in intelligence and achievement.

A 2018 study concluded the same: only children have an easier time talking with their parents.

So why is the only child syndrome myth so popularized still? 

Only child syndrome is a set of perceived personality traits of only children, usually negative. Although it may fit some people, and there are some definite differences in growing up as an only child, it is not the only child status that is to blame.

What Are the Symptoms of Only Child Syndrome?

Sometimes, children have unmet needs or need additional support. Children with siblings and only children can both experience this. Thankfully, there's indicators that can signal a parent.

Indications of unmet needs in an only child include:

• Feelings of loneliness

• Needing constant attention

• High levels of self-reliance and independence

• Struggling to ask for help or rely on others

• Pressure to excel and meet high expectations set by parents or caregivers

• Difficulty sharing or collaborating with peers

• Perfectionism

• Controlling behavior

• Challenges in navigating peer relationships

• Conflict resolution or sharing issues

If your child seems to be experiencing these symptoms, they might benefit from support or therapy. 

Is only child syndrome a real thing?

Scientifically, no. There is no research to prove that “only child syndrome” is real. Still, some only children have provided anecdotal evidence that could support personality traits.

Being an only child does not put you at greater risk for mental health disorders. However, there are some only child experiences that could set a child up to develop a mental health issue. For example, people with a strong support system are less likely to develop a mental illness. For people with siblings, their support system usually includes their siblings. And because only children don't have siblings, they might have to work harder to find support.

But, only children usually have much closer relationships with their parents. People might have a closer relationship with their siblings because they were neglected by their parents.

And, then some folks don't consider their siblings or family to be a part of their support system. Plenty of people have complex relationships with their families.

Only children don't necessarily have parents who have an overly authoritative parenting style or helicopter parenting style. Being an only child doesn't mean you were coddled or had a narcissistic parent.

People's personalities are shaped by their early development, support system, parenting style, class, access, and attachment style, not whether or not they had siblings. 

Only child traits

In pop-psychology, traits of an only child include:

• Strong desire for attention and validation from others
• Perfectionism and high expectations for themselves
• Difficulty sharing or compromising in social situations
• Loneliness
• Self-centeredness or selfishness
• Spoiled, desire to have things given to them

In truth, these are all heavily exaggerated, if not outright false. Can only children be self-centered, attention-driven, lonely, and spoiled? Definitely. So can children with siblings. 

Instead, a more accurate (but still generalized) set of only child traits include:

• Strong need for alone time and personal space
• Independence and self-reliance, but occasional challenges in adapting to group dynamics
• Striving for approval and seeking validation from authority figures
• Highly developed imagination and creative problem-solving skills from relying on solo play
• Potential struggles in navigating conflict resolution and negotiating skills

Keep in mind this list of traits is about as accurate as saying “all oldest children are great leaders” or “middle children are always troublemakers”. There is definitely some truth behind the psychology of sibling dynamics, and being an only child will result in a different set of experiences that can shape young children’s personalities and mental health. But there's no evidence to generalizations about all only children.

Only child syndrome in adults

As adults, only children may find it more difficult to relate to others. If not given enough social opportunities, they may find it more difficult to form relationships with their peers. However, if only children are given enough opportunities to form their own relationships growing up, this difference largely disappears. 

At the end of the day, it is much more important for a child to have a nurturing home life, rich social experiences, and a strong parent-child connection. Having siblings or not is largely negligible compared to these traits, as both science and anecdotal stories have shown. 

Therapy for only children

Being an only child doesn't cause mental health issues. Anyone can have mental health issues, it doesn't matter if you have siblings or not. But only children do have unique experiences that people with siblings might not be able to relate to. Our childhood experiences can have a big impact on our mental health as an adult, so finding a therapist who understands that is important. 

Only children can experience all the same mental health issues that people with siblings can experience. These include:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Bipolar Disorder
• PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
• OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)
• Eating Disorders
• ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)
• Substance Abuse
• Borderline Personality Disorder
• Schizophrenia
• Relationship Issues

And more, this is not a complete list. 

Finding a therapist for Only Child Syndrome

If you are an only child struggling with your mental health, it’s important to have a therapist who understands you.

At Lifebulb, we have over 100 therapists located across the U.S. Call our team to be matched with a therapist today or  browse therapists near you to find someone who meets your needs. 

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