Fear of missing out, or FOMO, is the anxiety, stress, and unease that occurs when you think someone else is having a better experience than you are. It may sound simple, but it can trigger anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
Humans are social creatures, so threats to our social standing feel dangerous. This is one reason why FOMO is so prevalent in our society today: being outside the “in group” can feel like a life-or-death situation.
If you are struggling with FOMO, you’re not alone. This article breaks down the causes of FOMO and helps you find a way to deal with it.
What Is FOMO?
FOMO was first coined in 2004 by Patrick McGinnis in a humor column in the Harbus, a magazine of the Harvard Business School. He didn’t think much of it until an article in the Boston Magazine popularized it in 2014. Since then, FOMO has been found just about everywhere.
Study of the phenomenon is usually focused on social media. A recent research article breaks FOMO down into two parts:
- Perception of missing out.
- Compulsion to maintain those social interactions.
The result is that panicky, anxious feeling you get when you see friends post about a hangout you weren’t invited to, followed by stalking everyone’s social media to find out who was invited or texting friends to hang out and remind them you’re there. It’s not a fun feeling, but it is a common one.
British psychologists defined FOMO as, “pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”.
All researchers agree that FOMO is not as innocent as a little acronym; it can have major effects on mental health and physical health.
Why Do I Have so Much FOMO?
One theory behind FOMO is that it is the negative emotional state that results from having unmet social needs, and it can exist as a fleeting, stand-alone moment or as a chronic condition akin to loneliness.
Humans have always been social creatures. Being in good standing with our peers is baked into our evolutionary response. This is why social rejection hurts, why loneliness is so painful, and why social anxiety exists. Being liked doesn’t just feel good, it feels necessary.
FOMO is essentially our body’s response to being left out of the main group. In years past, being outside the group was dangerous and potentially fatal. Nowadays, being left out of your group chat might not kill you, but it still hurts.
How Does FOMO Affect Our Mental Health?
Researchers have found FOMO has widespread effects on our mental health, especially when it is a chronic condition.
These effects can include:
- Increased anxiety
- Depression symptoms
- Loneliness
- Alcohol abuse
- Decreased sleep quality
- Decreased life satisfaction
These are just some of the effects of FOMO; you may experience it differently based on your unique experiences.
How to Deal with FOMO
Here are 8 tips to deal with FOMO in a healthy way, avoiding unhealthy maladaptive coping mechanisms:
- Decrease social media: FOMO is usually correlated with increased social media time. Social media presents a curated version of a friend's life, sending the message that their life is perfect while yours is not. This isn’t true, as most people don’t post bad things on social media. When dealing with FOMO, it can help to break your social media addiction.
- Notice your triggers: When do you feel FOMO? Is it when you come across a social media post or talk with your coworkers about their weekend plans? Whatever it is, take note of it. Knowing your triggers can help you decide what is important to you. For example, if you get FOMO when hearing about people’s weekend plans, making it your goal to go out on the weekends can alleviate those feelings of stress.
- Make your own social goals: FOMO may be a sign that you’re craving deeper human connection. In this case, make it your goal to make new friends and experience new friends. Take the first steps by signing up for a social group, making travel plans, or going out to meet people.
- Prioritize genuine connections: We meet a lot of people every day, and only some of them are people we can form a genuine connection with. Prioritize hanging out with the people that give you joy, life, and a sense of contentment. Hanging out with acquaintances or people you think you “should” hang out with for social status or networking purposes has its time and place, but you should also make time for the people that mean a lot to you.
- Start a gratitude journal: FOMO is the sense that you are missing out on something your peers have, but in today’s age of social media, people’s lives can be fabricated. You can’t accurately judge someone’s life based on their curated social media feed. FOMO doesn’t care about this logic, but one way to counteract it is by practicing gratefulness in your life. What areas of your life are going well? What do you cherish? What brings you joy?
- Reflect on the good times: Studies have shown that nostalgia can be good for your mental health. Reflecting on good times can actually counteract loneliness, boredom, and anxiety, precisely the feeling FOMO elicits.
- Set realistic expectations: You probably have those big dreams of traveling the world, living in a loft with all your best friends, or having a romance that upends your life in all the best ways. These things might happen, but they might not. What are realistic expectations you can set and easily meet? For example, planning a game night with your closest friends, hanging out with someone once a week, or planning a big trip for next year.
- Address underlying mental health issues: Although FOMO is common and not a mental health issue, it could be a sign of an underlying illness. People with anxiety and depression may experience FOMO more frequently or deeply. If you struggle with FOMO and you recognize symptoms of anxiety and depression, treating the underlying mental health issue is the best way to treat FOMO.
Curious if you have anxiety or depression? Take our free, online anxiety screening test and depression screening test.
You can also talk to a therapist. FOMO might not seem like a big deal, but those feelings of inadequacy and loneliness can snowball into bigger issues with self-esteem and mental health. A therapist can help you address past traumas, develop healthier coping skills, build self-esteem, and more.
Don’t let FOMO steal another day of your life. Contact Lifebulb to schedule a time with a licensed therapist today, or browse our list of therapists near you.