Jun 24, 2025
Grief is the experience of pain, loss, regret, love, sadness, and anger that occurs after we lose someone or something close to us. Most often, we talk about grief concerning the loss of a loved one, but that’s not the only kind of grief there is. Grief over a relationship that ended, a big move, a lifestyle change, a pet passing, or any other sort of loss is common.
Grief is experienced differently for everyone. There are many models of grief—including the popular 5 stages of grief—but there is no one model that fits everyone’s experience. Most people do experience a common set of symptoms, however. One of those is fatigue.
Does Grief Cause Fatigue?
Yes. Grief fatigue, as it is sometimes called, is that bone-deep exhaustion you experience after a loss. It can feel a lot like depression, brain fog, and tiredness. You may want to nap more or have trouble focusing at work. These are all normal experiences of grief and not necessarily a sign of a greater issue.
Grief symptoms include:
- Intense Sadness: Feeling overwhelming sadness and emotional pain that doesn't seem to lift.
- Shock and Disbelief: Experiencing disbelief or denial about the loss, as if it hasn't fully sunk in.
- Physical Symptoms: Encountering physical manifestations of grief such as fatigue, appetite changes, or headaches.
- Guilt and Regret: Battling feelings of guilt about things left unsaid or undone with the person who passed away.
- Anger and Irritability: Feeling angry with oneself, others, or even the person who died, resulting in mood swings or irritability.
- Social Withdrawal: Pulling away from social interactions and isolating oneself from friends and family.
- Trouble Sleeping or Concentrating: Facing difficulties falling asleep, staying asleep, or focusing on tasks due to emotional turmoil.
- Yearning and Longing: Longing for the person who passed away and struggling with the void their absence has left.
- Anxiety and Fear: Feeling anxious about the future or fearful of experiencing another loss.
- Numbness: Feeling emotionally numb or detached as a way of coping with the overwhelming grief.
- Exhaustion: Grieving is an exhausting process, and your mind and body need time to heal and recover.
Let’s take a look at why grief makes you exhausted.
Why Does Grief Make You Tired?
Grief is a full mind and body experience. When a loved one dies, you have to relearn how to be in a world without your loved one in it. Learning can cause fatigue because of how energy demanding it is.
Also, grief is always on. You can’t turn off your grief when you go into work, so you are forced to maintain pre-loss levels of activity after your loss. For many people, to-do lists also increase after a loss. With things like funeral preparations and post-death arrangements for finances, property, and will, the weeks following a loss can be emotionally and physically exhausting.
What Does Grief Do to Your Brain?
Grief literally changes the brain, the same way learning something new changes your brain. You have to adapt to the new environments, and that involves changing the way your brain thinks and operates. This takes time and can be exhausting.
Have you ever heard someone say after a loss “I feel like I lost a part of myself?”
Turns out, they’re not wrong. The brain encodes ideas of “I” and “Me” differently than “We” and “Us”. So when someone close to you dies, your brain has to relearn all the concepts it knows with this new information. “We go to the store on Sundays.” becomes “I go to the store on Sundays.” It might seem like just one little word was changed, but to your brain that change has huge implications on our personal identity.
It’s no wonder that you’re exhausted after experiencing a loss. Your brain is doing a lot!
Why can’t I stop grieving?
Researchers acknowledge that grief never truly goes away. Imagine you lost your mother when you were very young. Maybe you grieved for a few years and now you are an adult. You feel like you’ve gotten over that grief, but then your wedding comes and your mother isn’t there. You feel knocked over by grief all over again.
Is this healthy? Is it a sign of a mental illness?
Yes, it is healthy. And no, it is not a sign of a mental illness.
There is a difference between grieving and experiencing grief, the emotion. Grief as an emotion is something that will come up from time to time if you’ve lost someone. Someone who lost their childhood dog might experience grief when they see the same breed pass them by on the street. There is nothing unhealthy about this; in fact it can be a good thing because you are feeling your emotions and remembering your connection to someone special.
There is a disorder called “Prolonged Grief Disorder”. This is when someone is still majorly struggling with the symptoms of grief for a year or longer after their loss. Remember that grief the emotion will never go away, but some of the more debilitating acute symptoms will. Sleep disruptions, numbness, anger, and grief fatigue should all fade within the first year. If it doesn’t, you might have prolonged grief disorder.
How to Pass Through Grief
Grief is not something to rush through. Unlike things like anxiety and depression, grief is a healthy experience. We need to grieve after a loss, otherwise all that pain will be stuck inside us.
Still, we have no choice but to move forward. It is possible (and recommended) to pass through grief while honoring the memory of love you shared with the person you lost. Here are some steps to help you through it:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions that come with grief, without judgment or guilt.
- Create a Memory Book or Playlist: Compile photos, stories, or songs that remind you of your loved one to keep their memory alive.
- Seek Support: Lean on friends, family, or a therapist for understanding and comfort during this difficult time.
- Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your physical and emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you peace and comfort.
- Establish Rituals: Develop meaningful rituals or traditions to honor and remember your loved one on significant dates or occasions.
- Engage in Creative Expression: Express your emotions through writing, painting, or other forms of creative outlets as a way to process your grief.
- Volunteer or Donate: Honor your loved one's memory by giving back to causes or organizations that held significance to them.
- Connect with Others: Join a support group or community that shares your experience to find comfort in shared understanding.
- Set Boundaries: Recognize when you need time alone or space from certain triggers to protect your emotional well-being.
- Celebrate Their Legacy: Find ways to celebrate your loved one's impact and the positive memories you shared together.
Remember, honoring your loved one's memory is a beautiful tribute, and taking care of yourself during the grieving process is crucial for healing and growth. You are not alone on this journey, and there is hope for brighter days ahead.
If you are struggling with grief, consider contacting a therapist. A grief counselor can help you process your emotions and celebrate the legacy of your loved one.
