8 Practical Solutions to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Why do I always compare myself to other people?

If you struggle with self-comparison, you may be getting frustrated with yourself. You don’t want to be stuck in this toxic loop of comparing yourself to others; in fact, you may understand how irrational the behavior is. Yet, you can’t stop. Why? 

There are numerous scientific reasons why self-comparison is so addicting. It makes sense that it is difficult to stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is a result of:

• Societal standards of success and beauty
• Internal insecurities and low self-esteem
• Constant flooding of curated images on social media and mainstream media 
• Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety
• Feeling “behind” in life

This is not a complete list. Comparing yourself to others can be a result of many things, but the end result is often the same: jealousy and a loop of comparison that ends with feeling inadequate. 

How Self-Comparison Affects Your Mental Health

Self-comparison is not a risk-free activity; it can have long-lasting effects on your mental health, including: 

• Diminished self-esteem
• Increased anxiety and depression
• Greater levels of jealousy
• Body-image issues, including body dysphoria
• Persistent negative self-talk 
• Increased amount of cognitive distortions

These issues can stretch into chronic issues and put you at risk for developing mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and more. Although everyone is likely to compare themselves to others at one point or another, chronic self-comparison should be addressed. 

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

The first step to stop comparing yourself to others is to become aware of self-comparison. Once you do that, choose from these coping mechanisms to decrease self-comparison and increase your self-esteem.

1. Name your inner critic. The first step of many therapy techniques is to simply acknowledge. Without judgment, name your thoughts, emotions, and behavior. By drawing awareness without placing judgment, we start to understand our personal patterns. From there we can enact change. If you struggle with self-comparison, be on the lookout for jealous or comparative thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking these things, try to pinpoint what triggered the thoughts. It can help to take notes on triggers and what the thoughts are, to notice what patterns emerge. 
2. Steer your thoughts away from comparison and jealousy. This can be frustrating advice: Have you tried not comparing yourself to others? But there is some merit in “simply stopping”. Self-comparison often spirals. What started out as one off-handed thought— “Wow, his presentation was so much better than mine.”—can spiral into sweeping generalizations about your self-worth and ability to succeed—“I can’t do anything right, and I’ll never be good enough.” Stop your thoughts before they get to this degree of self-deprecation. Think about something else or distract yourself with a podcast, music, audiobooks, etc. 
3. Rationalize your thoughts. Let’s say you follow a fitness influencer on social media and feel inadequate compared to their perfect physique and healthy lifestyle. This is understandable, but when you look closer at the situation, it's unrealistic. That fitness influencer’s job is to eat healthy and exercise. They don’t have to worry about a 9-5, whereas you might have a full-time job and three kids. When presented with self-comparative thoughts, it can help to try and rationalize them. Does it make sense for you to compare yourself to this person? What unseen factors could be affecting the both of you? 
4. Compliment the person you’re comparing yourself to. Self-comparison breeds jealousy, which in turn breeds more self-comparison. One way to put a stop to this cycle is to authentically compliment the person you are comparing yourself to, without being self-deprecating. An example of a self-deprecating compliment is “Wow, you’re so pretty, I could never look like you!” Instead, fully compliment the person without drawing negativity into it: “You look really nice today!” or “Great job on your presentation, I could tell you worked really hard on it and it turned out great!” Complimenting others can in turn boost your own self-esteem and confidence. 
5. Count your own strengths. Maybe you don’t have everything the person you are comparing yourself to does, but what do you have? Making a list of your strengths can help reduce the sting of self-comparison. 
6. Write down your wins. Keep a journal with all of your accomplishments. When you’re in the middle of a self-deprecating thought, it can be hard to remember all the things you really like about yourself and the accomplishments you’ve had. It can help, therefore, to keep a journal or a note tab on your phone to list all of your accomplishments, big and small! When you’re feeling down about yourself, consult this list for a good morale boost. 
7. Don’t give your comparison thoughts weight. Our thoughts can sound like absolute truth. It’s hard to acknowledge that sometimes our mind is lying to us. Cognitive distortions are common thinking patterns that are untrue and usually negative. CBT, a therapy modality popular for its effectiveness, teaches ignoring and replacing these thoughts. You don’t have to believe everything your mind says to you. For example, if you keep thinking to yourself, “I’ll never be as pretty as she is.” or “They’re so much more successful than I ever will be.” You can choose whether or not you believe those thoughts, and how much weight you give them. 
8. Practice self-care. Sometimes our minds are irrational, and we have to treat it like we would a stubborn child. When your mind won’t stop comparing yourself to others and you start to go down a self-deprecating path, practice some self-care. Take time to engage in hobbies, talk with a friend, or have some indulgent me-time. When the self-comparison thoughts are too loud, drowning them out with (healthy) coping mechanisms can be helpful to get through a bad time. To create a self-care plan that works for you, check out these free self-care templates. 

Self-comparison can sap the joy out of life and poison your self-image. Take the steps today to stop comparing yourself to others.

If you are struggling with self-comparison, talking to a therapist can help. They can help you recognize negative thinking patterns and develop healthier, new patterns to replace self comparison with. 

Lifebulb has online therapists with availability now. Talk to our support team or browse our therapist directory to find a therapist near you.

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