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Losing people close to you is one of the most distressing things in life, and, unfortunately, very common. Grief is a natural reaction to loss. Being bereaved is a healthy thing to feel after you lose someone close to you. Therapy can help you cope with a loss, but most bereavements will pass naturally on its own within one year.
Grief can feel like a deep sadness, numbness, guilt, anger, and a combination of all of these things. However, when the symptoms of grief stretch past a normal grieving time (around one year), a diagnosis of complicated grief, or prolonged grief disorder, may be given.
What Is Complicated Grief?
Complicated grief is the experience of grief that lasts a long time in your life. During the first few months, grief and complicated grief look the same. However, as natural grief gets better over time, complicated grief sticks around and may even get worse.
An estimate of 7-10% of grieving adults will go on to develop prolonged grief disorder. Fortunately, prolonged grief disorder is very treatable, and most people will recover. Complicated grief can result in the appearance of other disorders, commonly depression and anxiety. Treatment is important in addressing the multifaceted disorder in this case.
What Are the Symptoms of Prolonged Grief Disorder?
Many of the symptoms of prolonged grief disorder will be the same as the symptoms of normal grief. There are some differences, however. Symptoms of complicated grief include:
- Feeling consumed by thoughts and memories of the deceased makes it challenging to engage fully in daily activities and relationships.
- Having trouble focusing on anything else besides the death of your loved one
- Intense sorrow and pain over the loss
- Feeling a sense of emptiness in their absence
- A tendency to avoid situations, places, or people that serve as painful reminders of the loss or obsessively focusing on reminders of the loss.
- A deep sense of yearning to be reunited with them.
- Struggling to come to terms with the permanence and finality of the loss, often accompanied by disbelief and a sense of unreality.
- Experiencing a sense of emotional numbing or detachment from others, making it challenging to connect or engage in meaningful relationships.
- Feeling lost or disconnected from one's sense of self, purpose, or direction in life, unsure who you are without them.
- Feeling bitter about your loss.
- Lack of trust in others.
- Inability to enjoy life or experience positive emotions
- Difficulty remembering any positive experiences with your loved ones, because all of the memories are wrapped up in grief.
- Disruptions in your routine.
- Self-isolation and withdrawal from others.
- Depression or anxiety symptoms.
- Believing that the death was in some way your fault or that you could have prevented the death.
- Feeling like life isn’t worth living with your loved one or wishing you had died along with them.
Complicated grief lasts longer than 12 months in adults or 6 months in children. If you experience these symptoms but haven’t reached the 12 month timeline, therapy can still be a helpful tool in healing.
What Is the Best Treatment for Prolonged Grief Disorder?
Unlike other mental health disorders, the root cause of prolonged grief disorder is obvious: You lost someone close to you. There is no avoiding that fact or getting around it. Instead, treatment for complicated grief involves accepting the loss, honoring your loved one, and moving on in a way that is healthy and sustainable.
“Moving on” does not mean forgetting or ignoring. Grief will likely be a part of your life forever, but it doesn’t have to be so disruptive. For example, driving by a place that your loved one used to frequent and feeling a stab of grief is normal. Avoiding that place or being unable to go about your day when you pass it is not normal and is a sign of prolonged grief disorder.
Fortunately, complicated grief is highly treatable. Talk therapy is the number one treatment for prolonged grief disorder. Many therapists use an adjusted form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy called Prolonged Grief Treatment. The goal of Prolonged Grief Treatment is to accept the reality of the loss and restore the capacity for well-being. There are 6 themes and goals when working with prolonged grief treatment:
Accepting grief and managing grief-related emotions: The goal of this stage is to provide coping skills to help you function in every day life and work towards accepting the loss.
Seeing a promising future: By shifting our gaze from the past to the present, we can continue to live fully while honoring the memory of our loved one.
Strengthening relationships: Grief can make some people turn inward and forgo other relationships, but this is further damaging to their mental health. Strengthening existing relationships is vital.
Narrating a story of the death: Narration therapy is an effective tool when dealing with traumatic events. During it you can lay out the story of the trauma (in this case, the loss) and cope with the emotions that it brings up.
Learning to live with reminders of loss: Grief never truly goes away, so we have to learn ways to cope with reminders of the loss.
Connecting with memories of the person who died: Studies have shown that those who continue to connect with their loved one after death are healthier and less likely to suffer from the disrupting symptoms of grief. What this looks like to you specifically will be worked on in a therapy session.
If you’re struggling under the weight of grief and loss, there is hope. Contact Lifebulb to be scheduled with one of our grief therapists this week. We accept most insurances and have little to no wait times.
