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A divorce is one of the hardest, most emotionally taxing periods of a person's life. It can lead to some serious mental and physical health side effects, with many people experiencing anxiety, depression, and physical health conditions for years after their divorce.
When you’re getting a divorce, the last thing you want is to add another thing to your to-do list, but for your own health and the health of your family, you might want to make room for one more thing on the agenda: divorce counseling.
What Is Divorce Counseling?
During a divorce, many people are focused on everything besides themselves: their finances, splitting up property and other assets, the legal requirements, their appointments and court hearings, and the mental health of their children if they have any.
Few people take the time to focus on themselves.
A divorce can lead to extremely high levels of stress, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and insomnia, while feelings of self-worth and self-esteem plummet. All of this creates a dangerous cocktail of mental health issues that can stretch far into the future. In fact, one study found that most people were no happier after the divorce than they were in their marriage.
Yet this is not the only outcome for people who divorce. For many people, divorce is a time of new beginnings, fresh starts, hope, and healing. After the divorce papers are signed, people feel free to rediscover themselves and make a healthier, happier new life for themselves.
How do you position yourself so you can take advantage of the benefits of divorce and mitigate the damages to your mental health? A divorce counselor can help.
How Does Divorce Counseling Work?
The goal of a divorce counselor is not to get you back together with your ex. Instead, the goal is to ensure a healthy divorce that sets all parties up for a thriving future. Divorce counseling is for couples, individuals, and families.
- For individuals, divorce counseling will help you process the change, grieve the loss, and transition into your new single life.
- For couples, divorce counseling will help you manage the divorce process with respect and care for one another. A divorce counselor can help you come to an agreement on finances, coparenting, and other important issues.
- For families, divorce counseling can help you process the split, adjust to a new life, and work through any grief, anger, and sadness that may be occurring. For families with children, divorce counseling can be especially helpful as parents guide their children through what it means to be co-parented.
A good divorce counselor will meet you where you’re at and help you work through the logistical side of the divorce, as well as process all the hard emotions that might be coming up.
Is Divorce Counseling Worth It?
Yes. Many people find great value in divorce counseling. Simply having an outlet and being able to talk about what you are going through can be enough to keep people healthy. Weekly or bi-weekly reminders to take care of yourself can be beneficial to people who feel as if they get swept up in the divorce and all the strong emotions it can carry.
Benefits of divorce counseling can include:
- A space to process: A divorce counselor will provide emotional support and a safe space to process grief, anger, sadness, and relief.
- Clarity and closure: Divorce therapy can help both partners understand and accept the end of the relationship.
- Reduced conflict: A good divorce counselor will coach both parties in healthy communication skills to minimize arguments and tension.
- Co-parenting guidance: Learn how to navigate shared parenting responsibilities effectively, and have a space to talk about your fears and concerns about this new parenting style.
- Better decision-making supports clear thinking when discussing finances, custody, and legal matters.
- Stress management: Cope with the anxiety and overwhelm that this chaotic life change will bring.
- A space to focus on healing and self-growth: Let this change be the catalyst to a greater life for you and your family. Build confidence and self-esteem instead of tearing it down.
- Support for children: Provide a space for your children to process what is happening.
The end goal of divorce counseling is to build a strong foundation for the future, no matter how chaotic the present is.
How to Tell If You Need a Divorce Counselor
You might need a divorce counselor if you recognize the following signs. They could be signs that you are at risk for developing a mental health disorder, which may last for years after your divorce if not treated:
- There’s constant conflict – Arguments about finances, parenting, or daily issues feel unmanageable.
- You can’t communicate with your spouse – You and your spouse struggle to talk without fighting or shutting down.
- You have difficulty making decisions – You feel stuck or overwhelmed about custody, finances, or the next steps.
- You have intense, uncontrollable emotions – Feelings of anger, grief, guilt, or resentment are hard to manage alone.
- You’re uncertain about your future – You feel anxious, lost, or fearful about life after divorce.
- You need closure – You’re having trouble accepting the end of the marriage and moving forward.
- You feel stressed and burned out – The divorce process feels emotionally and physically draining.
- You rely on substances – If you feel unable to get through the day without drinking, smoking, or relying on other substances, therapy can help. Don’t let this stress response turn into an addiction.
- You’re struggling with insomnia – If you can’t sleep, it could be a sign that your stress levels are taking over. Talking to a therapist about how to cope with stress is a healthy way.
- You need help forming boundaries – Making new boundaries with someone you used to share a life with can be exhausting and confusing.
- You’re struggling with new relationships – Rebound relationships, flings, and getting back into the dating world can be a lot for anyone, especially those coming out of a divorce.
Divorce can be a trigger for many mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. A therapist can help mitigate this risk and ensure you stay mentally healthy for years to come.
What Type of Therapist Is Best for Divorce?
There is no certification for divorce counseling, but you can still find a specialist. Look for titles such as “Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist” (LMFT) or for therapists who specialize in couples and marriage counseling. Sometimes, a therapist will mention that they have worked with divorcees before in their bio.
Most insurances will cover divorce therapy. Call your provider to check if your insurance covers divorce therapy. From there, you can meet with a provider who accepts your insurance. This will make counseling cheaper and less of a strain on your resources.
From there, it’s just a matter of choosing someone who is a good fit. Check their backgrounds, therapy philosophy, and other relevant factors personal to you. (Do you prefer to work with women? Do you want someone with the same beliefs as you?)
Lifebulb Counseling has an easy-to-use therapist directory. Browse our therapists to find a divorce counselor near you.
