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There's so much preparation and often excitement around having a baby, and for good reason! Inviting a child into the world is worthy of celebration. And of course, you've heard the stories about how exhausting and stressful it can be. But one topic that's avoided and leaves parents ill-prepared is postpartum mood changes.
Many women experience postpartum depression, anger, and even postpartum psychosis. It can be confusing and alarming. There's so much lore and stigma around early parenthood and expectations for early mothers. And while every mother wants to care for their child, postpartum rage can quickly cause you to be irritable and act outside of yourself and your values.
Postpartum anger is caused by a complex mix of hormones, stress, genetics, and environmental factors. And for many women, it is a source of intense embarrassment and shame.
We've written this article to remove the stigma around and bring awareness to postpartum rage. It's an important topic to discuss, and it affects many women. Here you can learn more about symptoms and what treatment looks like.
What is Postpartum Rage?
Postpartum rage is when a mother's mood is disrupted by intense and sometimes explosive anger or aggression. It usually happens within 6 weeks of having a baby, but can happen at any point within the first year of childbirth.
Perinatal and postpartum depression affect 1 in 7 mothers, with postpartum rage affecting 1 in 3. But because of the stigma around postpartum rage, the ratio might be a bit higher.
While postpartum anger is usually a symptom of postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, or postpartum psychosis, postpartum rage can exist on its own.
What causes Postpartum Rage?
There are some common triggers for postpartum rage, though research is still happening.
Most causes for postpartum anger point to:
Hormone fluctuations
A family or personal history of depression
Exhaustion or inconsistent sleep patterns
Sensory overload
The accompanying body and lifestyle changes that happen after having a child
Lack of support
Isolation
Postpartum Rage Symptoms
Symptoms of postpartum anger vary between mothers. If you recognize a few of these symptoms, you'd benefit from meeting with a therapist who can help you through post partum.
Symptoms of postpartum anger include:
Irritability or a quick fuse
Sudden feelings of anger that often feel all-encompassing
Screaming, yelling, or feeling the desire to scream and yell
Cursing more than usual
Hitting walls, punching, or throwing objects
Crying for no reason or seemingly out of nowhere
Sleeping more than usual, and general fatigue and low energy when awake
Feeling guilty and worthless
Intense shame after anger passes
Feeling like there is something “wrong” with you or that you’re a bad parent
Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
Anger at husband or partner
This is not an all-inclusive list of postpartum anger symptoms, and you might experience additional symptoms. But if your irritability lasts longer than 2 weeks or significantly impairs your life or relationships, you might have postpartum rage. Fortunately, postpartum irritability is treatable, and with treatment goes away.
Important Note: If you are experiencing violent thoughts towards yourself or your baby, call 911 immediately. If you have experienced these thoughts but aren’t currently experiencing them, reach out for mental health help; do not wait.
How long does postpartum rage last?
Unfortunately, there isn’t a clear answer from researchers. However, most mental health professionals agree that it depends on what’s triggering the anger, your support system, and therapy options.
Postpartum rage often starts within the first 6 weeks of having a child, but can start at any point in the first year after bringing your child into the world. It can surface, go away, and then resurface.
Oftentimes, new stressors or big changes will trigger postpartum issues to surface again. Examples include: going back to work, sleep disruptions and regression, weaning, or anything that blocks you from a routine.
For some mothers, rage shows up in episodes. But once their hormones have stabilized and their sleep has become more consistent, postpartum anger usually starts to diminish.
Thankfully, there is treatment for postpartum rage that will help it go away. Most parents find that therapy will help treat their rage, while some need additional support from therapy and medication.
7 Things You Should Know About Postpartum Anger
Know that you are not alone. At least one-third of mothers have experienced postpartum irritability and rage but have come out the other side. Your anger doesn’t make you a bad mom, partner, or person, and it doesn’t reflect the love you have for your baby.
But anger has a direct and immediate effect on our loved ones and, if left unaddressed, can cause resentment and bitterness in our most valuable relationships. According to LPC Ebony Harrison, interpersonal trauma can make it difficult for romantic partners to trust each other. And someone who has been hurt by people they’ve put their trust in may become cautious, guarded, or suspicious if no repair work is done.
Here are seven things all mothers, especially new moms, should know about postpartum anger.
Sleep deprivation, financial stress, and little support system can make anger episodes more common. If you can, try to build a strong support system before you give birth, and be sure to inform your spouse about postpartum rage, so they can be prepared to support you.
Postpartum rage can happen quickly and leave you feeling shaken and upset afterward. It’s normal to experience irritable episodes that last a short while. You may not feel like yourself during these episodes, and some women self-report feeling, “crazy”. Practice self-compassion and self-care. Postpartum mood changes are normal, even though they are uncomfortable.
After a postpartum rage episode, many mothers feel like a failure. If you’re feeling like a failure after an episode, try to remember this is a common, well-documented but under-discussed topic. Mothers generations before you experienced postpartum rage and many mothers your age will too, even if they don’t openly discuss it. You haven’t failed anyone. If you’re feeling like this often, it may be helpful to talk with a therapist about your expectations as a parent, and what successful parenting looks like.
It’s okay for your child to see you experience emotions. A lot of the shame and guilt around postpartum anger stems from expressing anger in front of your newborn. Obviously, we don’t want to direct this anger at our child, but we must give ourselves permission to feel our emotions. Extending forgiveness and compassion to yourself models to your child how they should do the same. Note: If you have been experiencing unwanted violent thoughts, reach out to a mental health professional right away.
Postpartum rage at your husband is normal. Having negative feelings toward your partner is a common symptom of postpartum rage. You likely don’t actually hate them, but your body’s changing hormones might make you feel like you do. If you are experiencing postpartum at your husband, communicate that to him. Even better, before having a child, talk with your partner about what postpartum rage is, and how you both can support and love each other.
Having postpartum rage doesn’t make you an angry person. This experience only speaks to your fluctuating hormones, not your personhood or character. Postpartum irritability often comes out of nowhere, and can affect any woman, even if they haven’t been aggressive or violent before. You don’t need to feel ashamed for experiencing it or internalize something negative about yourself.
Postpartum rage doesn’t last forever. Thankfully, it’ll get better. Focus on making sure your needs are met, and your anxiety and stress is managed. If you want to learn how to manage postpartum rage effectively, consider working with a therapist to learn healthy coping mechanisms and understand what triggers your episodes.
Postpartum Rage Help
If you’re wanting to proactively manage your postpartum rage, set up a good self-care and rest structure for yourself. Set up an easy routine for yourself and practice it before the baby arrives.
Remember the 5-5-5 rule: Five days in bed, five days on the bed, and five days next to the bed. This progressive way of coming out of bed rest provides ample time for your body to heal and your mind to return to a normal state after the influx of birthing hormones.
If you can, try to journal, meditate, and engage in low-stress hobbies during this recovery time. Your identity now includes mom, but don’t forget to care for yourself too.
Not every new mother gets an opportunity to rest. For those who have no choice but to jump straight into full-time parenting, we encourage you to reach out to your support system. Friends, family, a partner, work, a religious organization, or outside resources are all great sources to lean on.
Finally, therapy is a great choice for moms dealing with postpartum mood disorders like postpartum anger. Therapy can give you effective coping skills so you can manage your mood swings and anger in real time as well as address any underlying mental health issues. Many mothers who experience postpartum depression, for example, were already struggling with depression; they were just hiding it well.
For more information about how mental health therapy can help with postpartum anger, or to schedule an appointment today, contact our team below.
Remember that you are not alone, and you've got this! Anger does not make you a bad mom; it makes you human. Keep going one day at a time and don’t forget to look after yourself.