Grief and loss is one of the hardest things we humans face in life. You might often hear some people say, “loss or death is part of life.” And although this may be true, it doesn't make it easier.
If you have lived long enough in this world, you have experienced some type of loss. Whether it be separation from a loved one due to death, loss of a relationship, loss of a job, loss of finances, or many other things that would constitute a loss in this lifetime. Whatever it might be, at some point, it's one of those hardships that bonds us all to the human race.
Because we know how hard this might be, we can empathize and often sympathize with others on this hard topic.
Helping a friend handle grief can be hard on us as well, because it may trigger or bring up feelings of our own losses in life. However, it can also be helpful to better understand what our loved ones are going through, and we can often sympathize because we, too, have been through it.
I have listed a few different but meaningful ways we can show up and offer help and support to a grieving friend.
How To Support A Grieving Friend
Being Empathetic- Being present says a lot. You are holding space for your friend to share his/her feelings and emotions, listening, and just showing up as a support is such a huge deal.
Making a Supportive Gesture- This is just to let them know you are thinking about them and that you are there to help with whatever they might need. It could be as simple as:
Bring them a meal
Offer to do some housework or yardwork
Do a specific errand you know is stressing them out
Send them a card or note
Send flowers or a special gift.
Logistics can feel like a heavy burden when you are in the midst of dealing with grief and loss. How can you help lighten the load?
Showing Respect- Allow them to grieve at their own pace without pressuring them to do anything or to be anywhere. You might think going for a trip or hanging out with friends will be helpful for them because it’s what you would want… but be accepting and understanding of their own wants and needs, as well as their own values and beliefs at this time.
Many of us often want to jump into creating a positive spin on what might be in the future, or that this hardship will pass, and good things will come, but it's not necessary to do this, as your friend may not need this advice in the present moment.
Share a Positive Memory or a Thought for Comfort - With the death of a loved one or pet, it's almost always welcomed if you have a positive memory or story to share about that person/pet. This brings the memory alive and creates comfort for the grieving friend.
Check in Later- Oftentimes, when the loss or grief is in the present, it's easy for many people to come in and offer support and help at the time. It's when everyone goes home, or when the loss is now not far in the past that your friend may need even more support or continued support. This is a good time to check in with them, remind them that you are still available and still thinking about them.
This is especially true during anniversaries or big reminders. For example, if they lost a loved one, check in with them during that loved one’s birthday, major holidays, and the anniversary of their passing.
How to Help a Grieving Friend Through the Death of a Loved One
If your friend has experienced a death of a loved one or pet, it can mean a lot to show up to the funeral or vet office. Showing up lets them know that you are there for them. Being present shows a lot of support and offers much comfort to your friend.
You can also attend a grief support group with them. It can be uncomfortable and frightening to attend a grief support group for the first time, and going with someone they know and trust can mean all the difference.
Finally, help them find a grief therapist. The loss of a loved one is horrible and overwhelming. The last thing many people have time or energy for is to find a grief therapist who takes their insurance, schedule a session, and show up. But grief therapy can be very helpful in processing the loss healthily, especially if the death was sudden, traumatic, or complicated in any way.
Grief and loss is one of the hardest occurrences that we will all face at one point or another. Understanding how hard it is also helps us to show up for our friends and loved ones in these difficult times.
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