Dec 27, 2024
Loneliness is a universal experience, and with a “loneliness epidemic” sweeping the nation, most people know what it feels like to be outside the “in group” and to ache for human connection and companionship. Feeling lonely isn’t the same as being alone, either. The experience of being lonely in the company of others is very isolating and painful.
Some people only occasionally feel lonely. In this case, loneliness acts like a check oil light going on in a car to remind us that maybe it’s time we reconnect with some friends. Other people struggle with chronic loneliness, which can have many negative health effects.
If you’re feeling lonely, you probably want to stop feeling lonely as soon as possible. But sometimes it isn’t as easy as reaching out to friends or family. For people who don’t have friends or family, are estranged from their family, recently moved to a new place, or lost someone they loved, loneliness can feel like an impossible challenge to beat.
If you’re dealing with loneliness, you’re not alone! (Even though it feels like it at times.) Here are our tips to beat loneliness and connect with other people again.
Why is loneliness so painful?
Loneliness is not just a fear of missing out or wishing you could talk to someone. Researchers have found loneliness can increase stress levels and exacerbate (or help cause) depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, and sleep problems.
So what about loneliness makes it so painful?
One of the reasons loneliness is so painful is because it is so intricately related to our mental health. Loneliness and mental health issues can create a repeating cycle: You don’t go to social events because of mental health issues (such as anxiety and depression), and then you feel lonely because you’re not hanging out with people, which makes your mental health issues worse.
Also, humans are social creatures. Our brains are set up to reward certain social behaviors. When we aren’t feeling connected to others, it can raise alarm bells in the brain. Social rejection activates the pain receptors in our brains. These pain receptors can even flair up at perceived rejection, meaning rejection hurts even if it’s made-up rejection. For people who really struggle with social rejection, they may have what’s called rejection-sensitive dysphoria.
In short, loneliness is painful because it exacerbates painful mental health conditions and because rejection, even perceived social rejection, hurts.
Why do I feel lonely in a relationship?
Feeling alone in a relationship? Feeling alone when you’re with someone who’s supposed to make you feel full can be an incredibly isolating experience. You might not feel loved in the relationship anymore, and should look at the quality of the relationship and what you want from it.
How to Deal With Loneliness: 8 Tips
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If you’re feeling lonely, take some time today to engage in one fo these exercises. It may not erase your loneliness completely, but small steps are important when battling loneliness.
- Utilize technology to find a community: In-person interactions have stress-reducing qualities and can generate positive feelings, but virtual connection has its positives as well. If you have people you’re emotionally but not physically close to, set up a virtual game night or video call. If you’re not connected to a community, join an online group. (Here are some mental health apps that host online communities for people struggling with their mental health.)
- Find a new hobby: It’s hard to make friends as an adult. You no longer have to build social circles through school and extracurricular. That’s why finding “hobby friends” is so important in your adulthood. Choose a hobby you’re interested in and find a group that meets to engage in that hobby. These types of interactions take the stress off of first impressions and building a relationship because the primary goal is to engage in the hobby, the social benefit comes with it.
- Help others: Humans are a social and community-driven species, so we need to be in community with others. Lending a helping hand to others can provide the positive brain chemicals you need to fight loneliness. Plus, you’ll probably meet some cool people in the process! Volunteer at a local organization or get to know your neighbors and ask how you can help out.
- Walk around your neighborhood: Levels of loneliness skyrocketed during COVID-19 lockdowns. People weren’t only cut off from their friends and family, they were cut off from the communal spaces they enjoyed. Places like bars, coffee shops, and gyms were unavailable, and our collective mental health suffered. These places are great for combating loneliness, even if you don’t engage with others. It’s also a good place to meet people. Try to go with your headphones off and compliment someone’s outfit or make conversation with the barista.
- Find purpose in other areas: Distracting won’t work forever, but if you’re feeling lonely, doing something that makes you excited and takes your mind off the pain can help alleviate the suffering. Also, connecting with your passions can lead to all kinds of fulfilling relationships. Take an online class or listen to free lectures. Do something creative. Hang out with animals. Find something that makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning, and stick with it.
- Take care of your mental health: Sometimes loneliness is a symptom rather than a cause. Addressing underlying social anxiety, general anxiety, ADHD, OCD, eating disorders, or depression can help you feel less lonely. These mental illnesses lie to us and tell us that we are unworthy, unwanted, and alone. Once you address them, you might see you are surrounded by love.
Loneliness is a hard battle to fight. If you are struggling with chronic loneliness or need help adjusting to the loss of a loved one, a breakup, or a big move, a therapist can help. Therapists not only provide an important avenue of human connection, but they can also help you address the underlying cause of loneliness. Over time, they can help you forge meaningful human connections that alleviate loneliness entirely.
Lifebulb Counseling & Therapy has online therapists who accept insurance and have little to no wait times. Reach out to our team to be matched with a therapist near you, or browse our list of therapists and find one that suits your needs.
