Friendships are some of the most fulfilling relationships. They’re with you through ups and downs, hard breakups, and major milestones, friendships often outlast other relationships. It’s not uncommon to have long-distance friendships or friendships where you don’t talk for years, only to get back together and act like you were never apart.
Friendships can be healthy, fulfilling, and great for our mental health. But what happens when they end?
As we live, we change, and sometimes our friendships don’t change with us. Friendship breakups can be as hard as relationship breakups when it is with an old and close friend. Although these times are heartbreaking, they offer opportunities for new growth.
If you are suffering a friendship breakup, there is hope. Let’s look at how to heal from a broken friendship.
Why do friendships end?
It might feel like your friendship breakup came out of nowhere, or it may have been a slow, creeping end that snuck up on you. Friendships end for many reasons, including:
- Differing beliefs: If you grew up together, you may have grown into differing beliefs and opinions as you aged. A friendship that was strong during childhood now holds the tension of these differences, and sometimes it snaps.
- Long distance: Some friendships can transcend time and space, but that isn’t the norm. It’s normal for friendships to drift apart once you leave the physical space that held you together. As you transition from school into college and from college into the workplace, you’re likely to make new friends.
- Unhealthy friendships: Sometimes, a friendship ends because it has to. When a friendship is controlling, manipulative, or abusive, the hurt friend may choose to sever sides with that friend.
- You want different things: Sometimes friendships morph into something more. When one side of the friendship wants something more, you’ll both have to stop and consider if that is what you want. If it’s not, it might be healthiest for both of you to part ways.
A friendship breakup is not a failed friendship. Just because a friendship ends does not mean it was not valuable and you can’t look back at it with a smile.
How to Heal From a Friendship Breakup
Even if friendships end amicably or mutually, they still hurt. How do you heal from losing your best friend? Here are some tips:
- Accept the grief: It’s not silly that you’re grieving the loss of your friend. Let yourself feel your grief and all that comes with it.
- Take care of yourself: Just like when you go through a romantic relationship breakup, it’s important to maintain good self-care. Eat well, get enough sleep, exercise, and enjoy the sun today.
- Lean on your support system: If you’ve lost a close friend, reach out to other friends or family members. Even if they aren’t as close as the friend you lost, surround yourself with people who love you.
- Find closure: If the friendship breakup comes out of nowhere it can be disorienting. You may blame yourself or ruminate on what you could have done differently. If possible, ask your friend why they chose to break ties with you.
- Appreciate the good times: Your time with them mattered. Try to appreciate the good times you had with them without ruminating on the past or hating the breakup.
- Practice positive affirmations: It can be a good blow to your self-esteem when a friendship breakup happens, and you may find yourself repeating some harmful cognitive distortions. Remember that you are someone people want around. List your strengths and what you like about yourself. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Even ask others what they like about you as a friend.
- Form new friendships: There are so many people who care about you now and will care about you in the future. Don’t let a friendship breakup stop you from opening yourself up to other friendships.
Take it slow for a while after a bad friendship breakup. It can be just as painful as a romantic breakup, so extend all the kindness you would to yourself in that situation.
How long does it take to heal from a broken friendship?
Healing from a broken friendship can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. A good estimate is around 3 months, but that is highly variable depending on the depth of your relationship, how long you were friends, and how it ended. A mutual ending will likely take less time to heal than an abrupt, one-sided friendship breakup.
How to break up with a friend
We’ve talked about how to heal from a friendship breakup, but what if you have to break up with a friend? There are reasons in which breaking up is the right choice. For example, if the relationship is no longer healthy or they constantly overstep your boundaries.
If you make the hard decision to break up with a friend, doing so with kindness can go a long way. Here are some tips to help you.
- Have a conversation: Don’t just ghost your friend. Sit down with them and tell them why you need to stop hanging out with them. Be as honest as you can, and let them ask any questions they have.
- Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and reasons for wanting to end the friendship. It's important to understand your own emotions and motivations before taking action.
- Clear Communication: When you're ready, have an open and honest conversation with your friend. Choose a time and place where you can talk privately and without distractions.
- Express Your Feelings: Share your feelings with your friend in a kind and respectful manner. Use "I" statements to express how you feel, and avoid placing blame or criticizing them.
- Listen to Their Perspective: Give your friend the opportunity to express their feelings and perspective as well. It's important to listen attentively and validate their emotions, even if you disagree.
- Set Boundaries: If necessary, clearly communicate any boundaries you'd like to establish after the friendship ends. This can help both parties transition more smoothly.
- Give Yourself Space: After the conversation, allow yourself and your friend some space to process the changes. It's okay to take time for yourself and focus on your own well-being.
- Seek Support: Reach out to other friends, family members, or a therapist for support during this emotional process. Having a strong support system can provide comfort and guidance.
Remember, ending a friendship can be difficult, but it's important to prioritize your own well-being and seek relationships that are healthy and supportive. If you find yourself struggling with the emotional impact of ending a friendship, consider speaking with a therapist to explore your feelings and emotions. You deserve to live your brightest life, surrounded by relationships that uplift and nurture you.
Therapy for Breakups
If you had a friendship breakup or had to break up with a friend, therapy can help you heal. Therapy can be short-term or long-term and focused on whatever issue you’d like. It is not just for people with mental health issues, things like relationship issues such as this are also a great reason to see a therapist.
Lifebulb has over a hundred therapists to choose from located throughout the U.S. We accept most major insurances and have short wait lists. Contact us or browse our therapist directory to find a therapist near you.