Jun 5, 2025
There are few studies done about long-distance relationships, but those that have revealed that most people will attempt at least one long-distance relationship in their lifetime, and that “LDRs” (long-distance relationships) tend to have a smaller chance of working out.
This can be disheartening if you just started a long-distance relationship with someone, but the statistics aren’t all gloom and doom. There is plenty of evidence and hope for long-distance relationships that do work out in the long run. The key ingredient isn’t the mileage between you and your partner, but who you are and how you act together.
What Are the Challenges Long-Distance Couples Face?
Long-distance couples face numerous challenges that normal couples don’t. They also may not be able to employ the same relationship advice to fight common problems that every relationship (long distance or not) has. For example, most couples therapists recommend a weekly or bi-weekly date night, but this can be hard when you’re a plane ride away.
We’ll get into the how of making a long-distance relationship work later, but first, here are some unique challenges long-distance couples face:
- Lack of Physical Connection: Physical intimacy is an important part of any relationship, but can be near impossible to get when you’re long-distance. Long-distance relationships can struggle with the absence of physical touch, leading to feelings of loneliness and longing for closeness.
- Communication Barriers: Distance can make communication more challenging, potentially leading to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, or feeling disconnected from your partner. Nonverbal communication–communication that doesn’t happen with body language, tone, and energy rather than with words—can be more difficult to read over long-distance.
- Different Time Zones: Managing different time zones can make it difficult to find time to communicate or spend quality time together, leading to scheduling conflicts and frustrations. This is especially true when one person is waking up just as another is going to bed.
- Limited Shared Experiences: Research shows that novelty and shared experiences are important for a healthy relationship. Being physically apart can limit the ability to create shared memories and experiences, which are crucial for building a strong emotional connection.
- Trust Issues: Some people believe that long-distance relationships are more likely to cause cheating. This isn’t necessarily true, as a person inclined to cheat will be so inclined regardless of how many miles are between them. However, people with commitment issues may be more likely to opt into a long-distance relationship. Distance can also sometimes trigger feelings of insecurity or jealousy, leading to trust issues that may need to be addressed and overcome through open and honest communication.
- Uncertainty about the Future: Long-distance couples often face uncertainties about when they will be able to physically be together again, leading to feelings of anxiety or fear about the future of their relationship. This is especially true if they haven’t discussed how to end a long-distance relationship by moving closer together or if doing so would require steep personal sacrifices from one another.
- Social Isolation: Being in a long-distance relationship may lead to social isolation, as one partner may spend more time alone and miss out on social activities that a typical couple would enjoy together.
There is no set definition for when a relationship is considered long distance. Some people say it’s thirty miles, others say it’s a hundred miles. In general, a relationship is long distance when you can’t pop by to spend the night or say hello. When the distance between two people is a factor in when they hang out, go on dates, and be intimate with one another, then it might be considered long-distance.
Is It Possible to Make Long-Distance Relationships Work?
Yes! In fact, a study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that individual and relationship characteristics played a larger role than geography in the final outcome of a relationship. This means that if your relationship is “meant to be”, then it’ll likely succeed whether you’re long-distance or not.
How to Make Long-Distance Relationships Work
Making a LDR work is personal to you. Consider questions like:
- What do you need out of a relationship?
- What will be missing from your relationship when you’re long-distance?
- What are your deal breakers?
- How often do you need to communicate?
- How long are you willing to be long distance for?
- What are you willing to sacrifice in order to move closer together?
Knowing these things before you commit to a long-distance relationship will help you establish clear boundaries and a timeline.
Other things you can do to make a long distance relationship work include:
- Open and Honest Communication: This is vital in all relationships, but especially in long distance ones where the only communication you’re likely receiving is verbal. Keep the lines of communication open by sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences regularly with your partner. Honest conversations can help build trust and intimacy despite the distance.
- Set Clear Expectations: Establishing clear expectations about your relationship, communication frequency, and future plans can help both partners feel more secure and connected. Make sure you communicate what your preferred mode of communication is and how often you expect to communicate, along with any deadlines you have for a long distance to come to an end.
- Schedule Quality Time Together: Prioritize spending quality time together, whether through video calls, online activities, or virtual date nights. Making time for each other shows your commitment to the relationship. Get creative with how you show love for one another in this way!
- Surprise Gestures: Physical touch and quality time are just two of the 5 love languages. You can still show love through words of affirmation, acts of service, and, of course, gifts! Surprise your partner with thoughtful gestures, care packages, or virtual surprises to show your love and appreciation. Small acts of kindness can go a long way in maintaining connection and intimacy.
- Maintain Independence: While being in a relationship, it's important to maintain individual interests, hobbies, and social connections. Nurture your own well-being and personal growth to bring a positive dynamic to your partnership. This is true of any relationship.
- Visit Each Other When Possible: Plan visits to see each other in person. Spending time together physically can strengthen your bond and create lasting memories that sustain your connection when apart. Make plans to look forward to, but make sure your relationship does not just live in the pocket of times you can spend together. A virtual relationship can be thriving, too.
- Plan for the Future: Discuss your future plans together, including timelines for closing the distance and building a life together. Having shared goals and aspirations can provide a sense of purpose and commitment to your relationship. If you plan on keeping it long-distance indefinitely, make sure you’re on the same page with that. LDRs work great for some people, but don’t be afraid to communicate your needs.
If you are struggling with a long-distance relationship, therapy can help.
How Can Counseling for Long-Distance Couples Help?
Online couples therapy has made counseling for long-distance couples possible. With an online counselor, you can work through issues virtually. It is one way to build stronger bonds and survive long-distance.
You don’t have to be in an imminent collapse in order for long-distance marriage or couples therapy to work. Many couples use couples therapy as a way to check in and maintain their relationship. If you are in an LDR, then long-distance couples therapy is for you.
