10 Tips to Become a Better Communicator

The Four Communication Styles

Humans communicate in all kinds of ways. Where you grew up, age, gender, and cultural considerations are all a part of your communication style. In the U.S, business leaders and communication researchers have found four distinct communication styles. You might find you flow in between two or three of these but prefer one style, or you have a mix of all them. 

The four communication styles are:

• Passive Communication: Not expressing thoughts, emotions, and needs, instead deferring to what the other person wants. 
• Aggressive Communication: Expressing thoughts, emotions, and needs no matter the cost to others, often communicating out of a hurt or defensive place. 
• Passive-Aggressive Communication: Communicating passively by deferring to the other person while harboring anger and resentment towards them.
• Assertive Communication: Direct, honest communication of thoughts, emotions, and needs while respecting others. 

Is there one right communication style? In general, assertive communication is more likely to yield the best outcomes long term. However, there is a time and place for passive or aggressive communication. Knowing when to switch between these styles is important, as well as knowing when to establish boundaries. 

Do I Need to Change How I Communicate?

Beyond these four types of communication, there are hundreds of small vocal tics, speaking patterns, and communication habits you’ve picked up. Do you need to change the way you talk?

Most likely, no. Everyone will communicate differently, but that does not make your style of communication wholly ineffective. Take these tips and add them to how you currently communicate. Evaluate yourself honestly for any ineffective communication—like communicating aggressively or passively when the situation does not call for it. 

10 Tips for Effective Communication

Here are 10 tips effective communicators use to get their message across respectfully and firmly. Use them with your boss, coworkers, family, friends, and partner to better your communication. 

1. Listen more than you talk.

Yes, that’s right—the first tip on how to be a better communicator is to listen more. Not only does listening to other people increase their trust in you, it will also prevent you from oversharing and needlessly adding to your speech out of anxiety. For example, when you ask a question, stop and let them answer. There’s no need to add an explanation or your personal thoughts. Let them answer and then proceed with the conversation. 

2. Be authentic.

All those personal tics that we talked about earlier should absolutely still be a part of your speech. Why? People can tell when you’re being inauthentic. 

3. Add inflections.

A lot of people are scared of coming across as unprofessional or too energetic when they add inflections and hand movements into their speech. But inflections, facial expressions, and hand movements are all part of the crucial nonverbal communication that makes up around 70% of someone’s understanding of a conversation. Part of the reason emails and texts can get misconstrued is because they lack the tone and inflection that someone talking has, so don’t cut these important aspects of speech out of your communication. 

4. Understand your point before you begin.

You’ve likely heard the old adage "Think before you speak”. What that really means is to understand what you want to say before you say it. This won't always be possible, and it’s okay to take a few rambling sentences before finding your point. But effective communicators won’t do this. They’ll ponder for a few seconds, understand the point they want to make, and then begin talking. 

5. Use open-ended questions.

We’ve all been in a conversation that dies and have sat in the awkward silence that ensues. Avoid this by using open-ended questions. This will lead to more avenues of conversation and better insight into your conversation partner. 

6. Don’t multitask.

Phubbing has become a new phenomenon, in which people are increasingly checking their phones in the middle of a conversation with someone. This deteriorates the conversation and trust between conversation partners. When you’re talking to someone, don’t multitask. Give them your full attention. 

7. Listen to understand.

Have you ever been listening to someone when you think of a really good question to ask them, and you focus so hard on not forgetting the question that you don’t hear the rest of what they’re saying? It’s a common experience! Work on letting these thoughts go and being present in the natural flow of the conversation. If you need to, ask them to pause for a moment while you write the question down. 

8. Focus on the story.

Details can be important, especially when you are trying to convey important information like how to do a task or deadlines. But if you are talking to someone to get to know them, deepen your connection, or just enjoy each other’s company, details like exact dates and locations are not that important. Humans have always been storytellers, so focus on the story. Your audience will want to know about you, not about where you were or the exact time and date the story took place. 

9. Reiterate important bits.

If you’ve been talking to someone for a while and the conversation’s goal is to impart information, make sure to recap that at the end. Not everyone will be able to glean what is important from a conversation, so you’ll want to highlight that for them when you’re done talking. 

10. Don’t monologue.

Nobody enjoys listening to a monologue. Unless you are giving a speech and it is the intention to stand and talk for many minutes at a time, don’t monopolize a conversation by monologuing. Take breaks to ask for input or other’s opinions and allow the conversation to shift and flow. Yes, it may go in a different direction than you wanted it to, but a conversation is not about you demonstrating what you know. It’s about forming a connection with another person. 

How Therapy Can Help You Become a Better Communicator

When you can’t communicate well, you don’t feel understood. When you don’t feel understood, you may experience loneliness, low self-esteem, and even mental health issues. Communication is a vital part of a healthy person, and it is something that can and should be practiced. Some people may find communicating well natural, but most of us are subject to trailing sentences, monologues, and distracted listening that can undermine a conversation. 

If you want help becoming a better communicator, therapy can help. Therapy or life coaching are good options for people who want to become better in any way. Therapy isn’t just for those who are struggling; it is also for people who want to thrive. 

Don’t wait to talk to a therapist today. Contact Lifebulb or browse our list of therapists near you to find someone who meets your needs. 

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