How To Get Over A Breakup? Ways to Navigate this Emotionally Challenging Phase.

Dealing with Relationship Breakups

The first step to heal from a breakup is to acknowledge the pain. When your relationship ended, you lost something and is is paramount that you let yourself feel that grief. Recovering from breakup is very much an act of healing from grief. There are three things to keep in mind when grieving a lost relationship: 

1) Embrace the grieving process

Getting over a breakup can be a tumultuous and emotionally draining experience. It's essential to understand that grieving is a natural part of the healing process. It is generally understood that there are five stages of grief. These are:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

During a breakup, this may look like feeling detattched from reality or that the break up "isn't actually happening", followed by a time of anger directed at yourself or your partner, then a period of trying to get them back, followed by a depression and mourning what you lost. Finaly, you'll accept the breakup and be able to move onward into your new beginning. 

It's important to recognize that everyone's experience is unique, and the order and duration of these stages may vary. For example, some people may never have a bargaining stage but get stuck in the anger stage and blame others for their breakup. Getting stuck in the depression stage is common during a breakup, as it can be difficult to adjust to living without your parnter. That is why the next to steps are so important.

2) Find your support system

Having a strong support system is crucial while getting over a breakup. Your support system includes friends, family, and/or even support groups. 

They can provide a safe space for you to express your emotions, offer advice, and help you regain your confidence. Friends, family, and support groups can be invaluable resources during this time, as they can empathize with your situation and provide encouragement

Being open and honest with your support system about your feelings and needs is essential. Reach out to friends and family, or consider joining a support group to get over a breakup. Remember, it's okay to ask for help and lean on others during this time.

3) Rediscover yourself and your passions

A breakup can leave you feeling lost and unsure of your identity. It's important to rebuild your identity and self-worth while getting over a breakup  by exploring new hobbies, interests, and social circles.

Taking time for self-reflection and self-care while getting over a breakup is essential. Focus on your strengths, values, and goals, and consider what makes you happy and fulfilled. An experienced counselor can help you in the journey. This process can help you rebuild your identity and self-worth, allowing you to move forward confidently.

Trying new activities and meeting new people can help you rediscover your passions and create a fresh start. Consider joining sports clubs, taking classes, or volunteering to explore new interests and expand your social circle. These new experiences helped her find solace and purpose, ultimately aiding her healing process.

It's okay to ask for help and lean on others during this time. Ultimately, you will emerge stronger and more resilient!

How to Turn Your Breakup Into a New Beginning

We have looked at how the stages of grief apply to getting over a breakup. In this section, we will explore three things that you can do to help yourself heal: prioritizing self-care and emotional well-being, establishing healthy boundaries, and embracing change and growth. 

By following these steps, you can turn a painful experience into a catalyst for positive change in your life.

1. Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being

One of the most important aspects of getting over a breakup is prioritizing your mental health. You need to heal the parts of yourself that hurt. 

This means taking the time to nurture yourself and engage in activities that promote emotional well-being. Some effective self-care practices include:

• Exercise: Physical activity can help release endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. Incorporate regular exercise into your routine to help alleviate stress and improve your overall well-being.
• Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions and gain insight into your experiences.
• Meditation: Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you find inner peace and clarity during this challenging time.

2. Establish healthy boundaries

Setting boundaries with your ex-partner and others is crucial for protecting your emotional well-being while getting over a breakup. Establishing healthy boundaries involves:

• Communicating your needs: Be clear about what you need from others, whether it's space, support, or understanding.
• Maintaining distance: Limit contact with your ex-partner, especially if it causes you emotional distress. This may involve unfollowing them on social media or avoiding places where you might run into them.
• Saying "no": Don't be afraid to assert yourself and decline invitations or requests that may compromise your emotional well-being.

3. Embrace Change and Growth

A breakup can be a catalyst for personal growth and transformation if you choose to view it as an opportunity for change. To embrace this mindset, consider the following:

• Reflect on the relationship: Take time to analyze the dynamics of your past relationship and identify areas where you can grow and improve.
• Set new goals: Use this transition period to set new personal and professional goals that align with your values and aspirations.
• Cultivate resilience: Embrace the challenges of change and use them as opportunities to build resilience and strength.

Getting Over a Breakup with the Help of Relationship Therapy

Breakups are often emotionally charged; there’s confusion, regret, anger, and sadness, sometimes all at the same time. Relationship therapy can play a crucial role in the healing process by providing emotional support, insight, and guidance. Relationship therapy is not just for couples; it can be for indivduals who want to work on how they connect with others or heal from past interpersonal relationships. It is a great way to help yourself heal from a breakup. 

In this section, we will explore the power of therapy in getting over a breakup, focusing on relationship therapy, relational life therapy, and recovery from long-term relationship breakups. By understanding the benefits of therapy, you can make an informed decision about whether it's right for you during this difficult time. Reasons why relationship therapy is a good option for you include:

1. It's a safe space for emotional support.

One of the primary benefits of relationship therapy is that it provides a safe space for individuals to express their feelings and receive emotional support. This can be particularly helpful while getting over a breakup when emotions are often raw and intense. 

Key aspects of relationship therapy include:

• A safe space to express feelings: A therapist creates a non-judgmental environment where you can openly discuss your emotions and experiences.
• Empathy and understanding: Therapists are trained to provide empathy and understanding, helping you feel validated and supported during this challenging time.

2. You can gain insight and perspective

Relational life therapy is a therapeutic approach that focuses on helping individuals gain insight into their relationship patterns and emotional experiences. 

This type of therapy can be particularly beneficial during a breakup, as it helps individuals:

• Identify patterns: A therapist can help you recognize patterns in your relationships and understand how they may have contributed to the breakup.
• Reframe thoughts and beliefs: Therapy can assist you in reframing your thoughts and beliefs about the relationship, allowing you to gain a new perspective and move forward.

3. Find recovery from long-term relationship breakups

If you are wondering how to recover from a breakup of a long-term relationship, know that it can present unique challenges, as individuals often feel a deep sense of loss and grief. 

Therapy can be instrumental in helping individuals navigate this difficult time by:

• Building resilience: A relational therapist can help you develop coping strategies and build resilience, allowing you to better manage the emotional challenges of a long-term breakup.
• Cultivating self-compassion: Therapy can also assist you in developing self-compassion, which is essential for healing and moving forward after a significant relationship ends.

Susan, for example, who did not have a support system at all and felt like her life was over after her 10-year relationship ended, found it especially beneficial to know that help was available through her relational therapist, especially when she had panic attacks right after the breakup. 

With the help of her relational therapist, she learned coping strategies like box breathing, having positive reminders around her apartment, etc. This helped her eventually believe that she had other blessings to count on and move on.

The power of therapy in getting over a breakup cannot be underestimated. Whether you're seeking a safe space for emotional support, insight into your relationship patterns, or assistance in recovering from a long-term relationship breakup, therapy can provide the guidance and support you need. 

Relationship PTSD

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. While commonly associated with combat veterans or survivors of natural disasters, PTSD can also arise from the emotional turmoil of a breakup, especially if the relationship was toxic. If you were in an emotionally, physically, or verbally abusive relationship, you might have PTSD symptoms. 

Relationship therapists can play a crucial role in helping individuals heal from PTSD caused by a breakup, providing support, guidance, and coping strategies to overcome the lingering effects of a traumatic relationship. 

PTSD can manifest in various ways, and the symptoms may differ from person to person. Common signs of PTSD after a breakup may include:

• Intrusive thoughts or memories of the relationship, including flashbacks or nightmares.
• Avoidance of places, people, or situations that remind the individual of the relationship.
• Negative changes in mood and cognition, such as feelings of guilt, shame, or self-blame.
• Hyperarousal, including irritability, difficulty sleeping, and being easily startled.

These symptoms can significantly impact an individual's daily life, making it challenging to function and maintain healthy relationships. Relationship therapists can help individuals recognize and address these symptoms, providing a safe space for healing and growth.

Types of Relationship Therapies

Various processing techniques can help individuals work through their feelings, gain new insights, and ultimately move forward with resilience and strength. Some of them are below:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is a widely recognized and effective therapeutic approach that identifies and changes negative thought patterns and behaviors. In the context of a breakup, CBT can help individuals:

• Identify and challenge negative self-talk and beliefs about the relationship and its end.
• Develop healthier coping strategies to manage emotions and stress.
• Set realistic expectations for themselves and future relationships.
• Cultivate a more balanced perspective on the breakup and its implications.

By addressing the thoughts and beliefs contributing to emotional distress, individuals can learn to reframe their thinking and develop a healthier mindset for moving forward.

2. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR is a unique therapeutic approach that has been proven effective in treating trauma-related disorders, including PTSD. EMDR can be particularly helpful for individuals struggling with intrusive thoughts or memories of their breakup. The process involves:

• Identifying specific traumatic memories or experiences related to the relationship.
• Using bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones) to help the individual process and integrate these memories.
• Replacing negative beliefs associated with the memories with more adaptive and positive beliefs.

Through EMDR, individuals can work through the emotional pain associated with their breakup and develop a healthier perspective on their past relationships.

3. Narrative Therapy

Narrative therapy is a therapeutic approach that focuses on helping individuals reframe their life stories and develop a more empowering narrative.

In the context of a breakup, narrative therapy can help individuals:

• Identify and challenge dominant narratives about their relationship and its end.
• Explore alternative perspectives and stories that highlight their strengths and resilience.
• Reclaim their sense of agency and control over their lives.

By re-authoring their stories, individuals can gain a new understanding of their experiences and move forward with a renewed sense of purpose and direction.

4. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT is a therapeutic approach that emphasizes the importance of emotions in shaping our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. In the context of a breakup, EFT can help individuals:

• Develop greater emotional awareness and understanding.
• Learn to regulate and express their emotions in healthy ways.
• Transform unhelpful emotional patterns and reactions.

By working through their emotions and developing new emotional skills, individuals can heal from their breakup and build stronger, more satisfying relationships in the future.

5. Mindfulness-Based Therapies

Mindfulness-based therapies, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), teach individuals to cultivate present-moment awareness and non-judgmental acceptance of their thoughts and emotions. 

In the context of a breakup, mindfulness-based therapies can help individuals:

• Develop greater self-compassion and acceptance of their emotions.
• Reduce rumination and negative thought patterns.
• Enhance emotional regulation and resilience.

By practicing mindfulness, individuals can learn to navigate their emotions with greater ease and develop a healthier relationship with their thoughts and feelings.

Finding A Relationship Therapist

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Find Your Therapist

By following the guidelines below, you can ensure that you find a relational therapist who can provide the support and guidance you need when getting over a breakup.

1. Identifying your needs and preferences

Before you begin your search for a relational therapist, it's essential to assess your emotional state and determine the type of support you require. This involves considering factors such as your budget, location, and personal preferences. Key steps in this process include:

• Assessing your emotional state: Reflect on your feelings and emotions to determine the level of support you need. This may involve considering whether you require individual therapy, group therapy, or a combination of both.
• Determining your budget: Establish a budget for therapy, taking into account factors such as insurance coverage and sliding scale fees.
• Considering the location and personal preferences: Think about whether you prefer in-person or online therapy, and consider factors such as the relational therapist's gender, cultural background, and therapeutic approach.

For example, Chris found the right relational therapist by prioritizing his needs and preferences. He considered his emotional state, budget, and personal preferences, which allowed him to narrow down his search and ultimately find a relational therapist who met his specific requirements.

2. Researching therapists and seeking recommendations

Once you have a clear understanding of your needs and preferences, the next step is to research relationship therapists and seek recommendations. This involves:

• Finding a qualified relational therapist: Look for therapists who specialize in relationship issues and have experience helping individuals navigate the breakup recovery process.
• Reading reviews: Consult online reviews and testimonials to gain insight into the therapist's approach and effectiveness.
• Seeking recommendations: Ask friends, family members, or healthcare professionals for referrals to relationship therapists they trust and have had positive experiences with.

3. The initial consultation: finding the right fit

The initial consultation is a crucial step in determining whether a relational therapist is the right fit for you. During this session, you can expect to:

• Discuss your concerns: Share your feelings and emotions with the therapist, providing them with an understanding of your current emotional state and the support you require.
• Ask questions: Inquire about the relational therapist's experience, therapeutic approach, and any other factors that are important to you.
• Assess the relational therapist's demeanor: Pay attention to the therapist's communication style, empathy, and ability to create a safe and supportive environment.

After the initial consultation, take some time to reflect on the session and determine whether the relational therapist is the right fit for you. Consider factors such as their expertise, therapeutic approach, and your level of comfort during the session.

Conclusion

Getting over a breakup can be a difficult and emotional journey, but by prioritizing self-care, establishing healthy boundaries, embracing change and growth, and availing the help of a relationship therapist, you can turn this challenging experience into an opportunity for personal transformation. Remember, getting over a breakup takes time, and it's essential to be patient with yourself as you navigate this new chapter in your life. If you require more guidance and support, please talk to us.