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Understanding Trust issues for building a healthy relationship : Developing Trust

Consider yourself in a happy, faithful relationship.Now close your eyes and picture your partner going out for dinner with a friend, but YOU are not concerned about him cheating. She receives a text message from one of her handsome colleagues, but YOU are at ease. You and your partner exchange secrets however YOU are confident they will not spill any beans.

Imagine it. Doesn't even the thought of it really bring a smile on your face.

Now bring your trust issues into the picture. BOOM, all that happy thoughts and sense of relief GONE. This lack of confidence and fear of someone’s reliability is the main antagonist when it comes to a relationship. These emotions and fear of trust are probably because of a traumatic event you had to go through in your childhood or may be in your previous relationship.

Nearly 71% of Americans, according to the Pew Research Center, think that interpersonal trust between people is worse now than it was 20 years ago.

No matter how big or small the trauma might be, the impact it has on you is too big for you to overcome on your own. But every big problem has its solution. With a sound understanding of the subject matter also side by side with the help of a relationship therapist or a couples therapist, trust issues will be just a mere memory. 

Here are some common types, signs and causes of trust issues plus a few therapist advised ways to overcome trust issues with which you just might start trusting a little more than normal.

So, let's begin by understanding what are trust issues.

Trust Issues: Deep into the Core

Trust issues are like parasites, once it latches on to you it takes a whole lot of work to get it off your mind, body and soul. However , with the right set of people around you to guide and nurture you, even the impossible is possible. On that relaxing note, let me get to the point.

So, what are trust issues?

Well, there is no universal explanation for what trust issues are, but from all that we get out of the internet and study made by scholars, all it requires is willingness to take advice from others. When someone betrays your trust, you could easily start to doubt other people and struggle trusting them and their advice. A fear of relying on someone or trusting someone develops within you.

When it comes to relationships, romantic or non romantic, trust is an important factor. Like I mentioned previously, a betrayal or a bad traumatic event you or your partner may have experienced in the past can adversely affect your dynamics. Sorry for ridiculously sounding so negative, but I hope you got my point. 

If you have a fear of trusting your partner, then how would you possibly be able to embrace their choices or their viewpoints?, how would you build that intimacy needed in your relationship?, how will you grow as a couple?. Afterall trust is that one key point that provides you with the opportunity to relax, be yourself, feel safe and secure and ultimately helps you turn to your special someone for comfort.

I know you are here looking for answers to these questions mentioned above. Just so you know, I have what you want. Getting into the core of the issue that caused you to lose faith in the first place is what is always advised by any relationship therapist. And so do I. 

For the same to be achieved understanding the types, signs and causes of trust issues are crucial. If you have a sound understanding of these issues then with the help of a relationship therapist you can get back to trusting people and building a healthy relationship like you have wished forever.

Types of Trust Issues in a Relationship

Trust issues come in various shapes and magnitudes. Here are a few most common types of trust issues (some more than others) for you to be aware of. 

  • Jealousy - Being jealous of someone is a very common emotion that we encounter every now and then. But what if this jealousy comes in between your relationship? I am talking about you feeling extremely irritated when you have no clue about your spouse’s whereabouts, or feeling threatened of a third person-may be a colleague, or being overly possessive of your partner, or needing to have your partner close to you at all times or … who am i kidding, this list can go on. To sum up, jealousy if not identified at the right time for obvious reasons can totally throw your relationship under the cliff. 
  • Pistanthrophobia - Were you in a bad relationship earlier?Was the breakup too hard on you?Is that experience still haunting you, also as a result you are not able to trust anyone? . Then probably you have pistanthrophobia. The fear of having faith in other people is known as pistanthrophobia. It's more common in love relationships and can lead to an excessive and frequently illogical fear of one's partner or of a certain situation or activity. Though it does not hurt or bring danger to the person, since the fear of previous experience is so real to them that they avoid being in or bringing up such situations.
  • Lack of trust in themselves - To trust someone else, you first need to trust in yourself. If you doubt your own choices then this can cause a lot of harm to your relationship. Who would like to be with a person who probably doesn't trust and feel satisfied in your relationship. I think there is no need for a huge explanation for this. It is probably understood.
  • Nothings ever right - Tell me, does your spouse/ partner always focus on finding every possible thing that is wrong. Doesn't that irritate you? If I were you , such an attitude can test my tolerance. People who can never ever find anything right constantly criticize their partner and look for reasons why the relationship won't work out because they are too harsh. They don't even have to be misbehaving in a specific way. They frequently simply lack trust in people, which can be troublesome for obvious reasons.

Now since we've come across the common types of trust issues, my question to you is simply- does any of these ring a bell? Have you noticed it in you or your partner? If  yes drop a comment below. 

How Do I know i haveTrust Issues:7 signs

By now you have a little bit of understanding of what trust issues are and the types by which we can categorize trust issues. 

As you all are aware you are here to find answers and heal yourself and your relationship from this mole named Trust Issues. And for the same we need to get deeper into how we can identify the symptoms of trust issues. Because if we could track the signs of trust issues then the chances of recovering from the same are high. 

1. Always assumes the worst

Even when those around you have previously shown themselves to be trustworthy, your trust issues may cause you to assume the worst about them. For instance, you may question someone's motive of helping you to have some other hidden ulterior cause or planning. 

2. Having commitment issues

People with trust issues are unwilling to commit, regardless of how much they feel for the other person. Committing in a relationship seems like a huge challenge for them. 

3. Going into an isolation mode

People with trust issues may withdraw and isolate themselves at the first hint of trouble due to assumptions and commitment phobia. As a result, building new relationships becomes less important and also it becomes something you actively avoid—once you've convinced yourself that you can't trust people.

4. Being extremely protective/possessive

Out of fear that their loved ones now will become disloyal to them sometime in future, people with trust issues tend to be a little too extremely protective or over possessive. 

5. Forgiveness is of the chart

When trust is a problem, it can be difficult, if not impossible, to move on after a betrayal. The inability to forget and forgive can have an impact on all aspects of your life, not just your relationships with others.

6. Self-sabotage

Having these trust issues can lead to self-sabotage. Because you think it's better to terminate things now than to be disappointed later, you can act in ways that harm your relationship.

7. Experiencing loneliness and depression

At times when you have trust issues it is possible that you isolate yourself entirely from everyone. When this happens there are high chances that you become lonely and depressed causing you and your relationship harm.

Being distrustful does not necessarily indicate that there is a trust problem. A person may occasionally feel distrusting, but for good reason. 

Are my feelings of mistrust a surprisingly common experience or pattern? is the crucial question to ask yourself. And if the answer you land up is NO, then awareness and discernment are the only skills needed.

But if the answer is YES, then these signs of trust issues can help you recognise the symptoms and could ultimately help you work accordingly to make things right. 

Now that we have read along and learned the possible symptoms of trust issues, let's look into the causes of trust issues.

Why do I have Trust Issues: 5 causes

Trust issues are not like some mental health issues where one among the causes are genetic. Of course you are not born with trust issues. It is something that is developed inside you because of some unfortunate events that has caused a fear of trusting.

These experiences might have been something you might have experienced in your childhood or maybe with your previous relationships. And it might have left a huge scar in your mind and soul.

Here are few common causes of trust issues which we have noted down as per therapists insights:

  • Past experiences (childhood) & trauma- trust issues can be developed from as early as childhood. Maybe you had seen your parents fight over things in front of you or you might have seen one of your parents betray the other. Such issues can cause deep trust issues especially in relationships since you haven't seen any ideal couple goals other than your broken family.

Now this is not only the case, bullying and bad school experiences are too traumatic for some kids that trusting anyone including themselves becomes difficult for them. 

  • Infidelity- Infidelity is a betrayal that can lead to trust concerns. This is often seen as the height of betrayal. While it is possible to mend your relationship after adultery, this rarely happens since the victim of the infidelity ends up with trust difficulties that affect one's ability to form healthy relationships in the future.
  • Social rejection- Having been rejected by friends in adolescence or childhood might also make it difficult for you to trust others. The inability of the excluded person to understand your rejection might make this kind of trust problem worse.
  • Other trauma- Traumatic occurrences, including assault and abuse, can have an impact on how you relate to and trust people. Your capacity to trust can be significantly impacted by traumatic experiences like the ones listed below: 
  • serious disease 
  • traumatic accident 
  • the loss of a family member or friend causes grief 
  • theft or damage to personal property 
  • Violent abuse 
  • Sexual abuse 
  • Combat

People like yourself with trust issues try their hardest to avoid being wounded, betrayed, or abandoned. In essence, they play defense to prevent being harmed like they have in the past. However, because it stops a person from being a part of a loving, healthy relationship, this tactic causes greater damage. 

So how to get over trust issues and fix everything right? The answers are right here.

How to Overcome Trust Issues

There is some positive news despite the fact that trust issues can be challenging. Know that support is available if you need advice on how to handle trust problems in a relationship. 

There are indicators that tell you to look for expert assistance. If you have honestly attempted to assist yourself and are still experiencing trust issues, don't attempt to do this alone. If you are frequently struggling with anxiety, low self-esteem, loneliness, or depression, or if you're prepared to give up on finding true love and maintaining a fulfilling relationship forever, in big bold letters, GET HELP!

Getting assistance from a professional as in a relationship therapist or a couples therapist is the most positively suggested way to overcome your trust issues. They can heal you and treat you to cope & heal from the trauma that is causing you to have trust issues.

Along with professional help, self discovery or finding the wound hidden within yourself is a very important job to do. If you have an idea about the reasons that have made you develop a fear of trusting then it will be an easy and smooth path for you to ride over towards healing.

Again, when trust issues hit you hard the ability to take risks and push yourself actually disappears. And that is not a healthy choice. I would suggest you to take risks and do things or force yourself to do something that you never imagined in your wildest dreams. By doing so you are indirectly trying to heal from trust issues. Say for example by trusting someone you are actually taking risk, the risk of maybe getting hurt again. But just don't give up, you just might end up being in a happy place afterall. 

Also try to have regular conversations with your partner. Give him or her a feeling that they are important to you and you want to share everything with them. By doing this you improve your communication skills, and this is all good for your self esteem. If you talk to them , they will for sure come to you to speak their heart out building a stronger understanding and foundation in your relationship.

RESOLVE YOUR TRUST ISSUES WITH LIFEBULB

“Instead of saying, “I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues” say “I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.” 

It might be challenging to have trust issues, but developing trust is a crucial component of every relationship, romantic or not. Give trust a high priority in your life, even if it is difficult to practice.

Taking therapy is proved the most helpful for overcoming trust issues. Working with a skilled relationship therapist will help you understand why you have trust issues and pick up new coping skills that will enable you to begin restoring that shattered trust in your relationship.

We at lifebulb have the best skilled relationship therapists, who have helped a number of couples rebuild their relationship by constructing a concrete trust amongst them. If you are looking for someone whom you can trust with your relationship then we are at your service. So grab your phone and make a call to us. 

Let us be your first step towards trusting!

Frequently Asked Questions

In love relationships, it's normal for trust to take some time to grow, but those who lack trust may never feel this kind of connection. Lack of forgiveness: When trust is a problem, moving on after a violation of trust occurs is difficult, if not impossible.

Today, it is believed that intensive therapy is the most effective way to treat this issue. You are not alone if you struggle with trust. People who seek therapy for trust issues frequently succeed in regaining faith in other people. Their interpersonal relationships and sense of wellbeing may both benefit from this.

People can address their trust issues at their core with the help of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of talk therapy. Its practitioners think that ideas affect actions. In CBT, a patient discusses their issues with a medical professional.

Even though it makes you feel exposed, be honest with your therapist about how you're feeling. Talk about the things that have and haven't made you feel connected. Be as specific as you can when describing times when you felt the partnership grow and even when you felt misunderstood. Only then will your therapist know more about your issue and help you accordingly.

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