The Four Stages of Relationship Development: What You Need to Know

What are the 4 stages of a relationship?

 Most relationships track along the same 4 stages (also called relationship phases) that are spread out between the initial meeting and 15 years later. During these stages, the brain releases different hormones that help you fall in love and form deeper connections. The stages are: 

Relationship Progression Timeline

Here’s the relationship progression timeline researchers found most couples follow, from that first spark to a lasting love story: 

• The Euphoric Stage: 6 months to 2 Years

• The Early Attachment Stage: 1 year to 5 years

• The Crisis Stage: 5 years to 7 years

• Deep attachment: 7 years and beyond

This article dives into these four stages and provides tips to help you and your partner get to that deep attachment stage.

Stage 1—Euphoric Stage: 6 Months to 2 Years

This is the classic Honeymoon phase. You still have butterflies when you meet them and sometimes your palms sweat. You can’t stop thinking about them; it even keeps you up at night. It feels like you have boundless energy, and you don’t care about anything besides seeing them again. 

You might see their flaws, but you just don’t care. You seem to find everything they do, even things that might annoy someone, to be charming because your excitement for this person and their attention makes you feel so good. Flaws are forgotten or forgiven easily, and red flags can be ignored. 

During this stage, there is a decrease in prefrontal cortex activity, particularly relating to judgment of other people. This relationship phase is also marked by high levels of dopamine, producing a response in your brain akin to taking cocaine, according to some researchers. This stage is addicting, and some people break off their relationship once it fades to search for that next spark, or hit of dopamine. 

This lust-and-attraction combination is the same chemical cocktail behind falling in love more broadly. Researchers describe it as the first of several distinct stages of love a couple moves through on the way to a lasting bond. 

However, this phase can also be stressful. It’s a lot on your body, which is why it’s also known to increase feelings of angst and anxiety. 

This stage typically lasts between 6 months and 2 years, but for a small portion of the population (between 14 and 30%), it can last up to 15 years.

Stage 2 — The Early Attachment Stage: 1 Year to 5 years

During this stage, which is sometimes called the attachment phase of a relationship, you start to settle into a routine and learn more about each other. This is the after-honeymoon-phase period where you start becoming a part of each other’s lives, rather than taking over it. 

You both are able to focus on your personal goals more, and you may get into more arguments. Suddenly, you’re able to see their imperfections and notice things that you don’t like or test your patience. 

But this is also the stage where true love starts to take place, at least in the brain. More advanced parts of your brain start to take over and produce neurochemicals such as vasopressin and oxytocin. Oxytocin is sometimes referred to as “the love hormone”, and is increased after sex or skin-on-skin contact. Vasopressin is linked to behaviors that produce long-term, monogamous relationships. 

This stage involves memories of the good and bad, and often a deeper, richer love. It’s not just the feeling of love; it’s loving them: the good, the bad, the messy, and the beautiful.

Stage 3 — The Crisis stage: 5 Years to 7 years

Everyone will enter a crisis stage at some point. It is when couples drift away from each other, sometimes violently (in case of affairs or ending it to chase another love-high). It is the ultimate “test” of your relationship. Will you turn away from each other or lean further inward?

This stage does not necessarily last 2 years. It will last however long it takes for a couple to work through their crisis. However, it typically occurs between 5 to 7 years into a relationship, sometimes called the “5 or 7 year itch”. 

You may also see this stage called the power struggle phase, the point where the initial idealization wears off, and couples start negotiating their differences instead of overlooking them. 

Signs you’re in the crisis stage include:

• More frequent arguments

• Arguing about the same things 

• An urge to see other people or have an affair

• Discontentment in your relationship

• Wondering if you made the right decision

• Feeling like you see their flaws more clearly

If you are currently in the crisis stage, know that it is normal. You can choose to work through this stage with your partner, and you’ll likely come out the other side stronger for it. If infidelity occurred, you and your partner may evaluate your relationship, try to heal, and re-establish what you want. Or, you may decide individually or as a couple to split up, and work towards healing and moving on from the breakup; breakup recovery usually takes, on average, several months, but is possible. 

However, if couples make it through this initial stage, they enter something even deeper. 

Stage 4 — Deep Attachment: 7 Years and Beyond

This is the stage that will last the longest. At this point, you’ve handled crises together and have established a working dynamic. You understand your partner, for better or worse. You’re not blind to their imperfections and shortcomings, but you don’t hold their flaws against them either. Love is built on trust, understanding, and the knowledge that you will support each other for the duration of your time together.

Being in the deep attachment phase as a couple doesn’t mean there isn’t conflict. And it doesn’t mean the way you resolve conflict is healthy. But you both have a way of resolving issues that allows you to stay together. And, you’ve formed a deeply committed bond where there’s mutual trust. 

Conflict is less likely to result in the question “Should I leave them?”. You have tools you use to work through conflict as a couple together. And you both feel comfortable at each other’s side.

What are the five stages of a relationship?

 The 4 stages of a relationship are well-backed by scientific evidence, but they’re not the only model out there. The “five stages of a relationship” is also a popular theory. As you’ll see, it closely follows the 4 stages of a relationship, but with a bit more nuance. 

The five stages of a relationship are: 

1. Honeymoon Stage: lasts for the first few months, comparable to the Euphoric stage described above. The Honeymoon stage is when you are infatuated with your partner; you have butterflies, and you always want to be around them. 

2. Uncertainty Stage: As infatuation fades, you’ll want to really dig in and get to know your partner. This might result in some arguments as you understand who they are, and they learn more about who you are. You both start to learn and get used to each other's quirks. 

3. Adjustment Stage: Couples may drift apart during this stage as they establish a routine together and start to butt heads. Attachment style, flaws, imperfections, or harmful behavior start to emerge in new ways, and the couple isn’t blinded by infatuation anymore. If they can adjust to one another and grow through this stage, the couple can grow and develop a stable love. 

4. Commitment Stage: The calm after the storm; this is when you make the decision to continue the relationship or go your separate ways because of what you discovered during the adjustment stage.

5. Acceptance Stage: If you choose to continue the relationship, you’ll grow into a deeply committed and loving couple. 

Which model of the stages of a relationship do you relate to more? There’s no wrong answer. These are both tools to help you understand the feelings you have.

Can I stay in love forever?

Yes! A 2011 study found intense dopamine-rich activity in the same area of the brain for both newly-in-love couples and decades+ couples. You can be madly in love with your partner years after the initial “spark” wears off. 

Also, these researchers found that it is possible to reignite love. If you’ve drifted apart because of work, kids, and the daily stress of life, it is possible to reignite that love.

How long do relationships last?

There’s no single answer to how long relationships can last, as it depends heavily on the couple and how much they both contribute to their partnership. However, couples research seems to suggest that the average length for a relationship before a breakup is a little over 3 years. 

Now, that’s the average length. There are plenty of relationships that last for decades, and people who are experiencing a lot of change or still understanding who they are and want to be tend to cycle through relationships more quickly. 

That three-year mark lines up closely with the point where the Euphoric Stage described above starts giving way to the Early Attachment Stage. In other words, a lot of relationships end right around the transition into real attachment, before the deeper, more resilient bond has had a chance to form. 

How to keep love alive?

Whether you’re navigating the crisis stage or trying to get some of the spark back from the euphoric stage, here are a few tips to keep the love alive: 

• Do new things together. Novelty is a huge component in long-lasting, fulfilling love. 

• Surprise them. Remember when you were first dating, and you wanted to do all sorts of little things for your partner? Bring back that same energy. Buy them flowers, cook them dinner, tidy up their room, give them a back massage. It doesn’t have to be big! But little surprises will remind them of your love. 

• Respond to bids for connection: The Gottmans, a husband/wife pair that extensively studies couples and is known for creating the Gottman method of couples therapy, found that they were able to predict if a couple would get a divorce based on how frequently they responded to each other’s attempts at connection. For example, if one partner said “Oh, this is cool!”, they are asking their other partner to engage with them. A healthy relationship will turn inward, towards each other: “What is it?” An unhealthy relationship will ignore or block these bids: “I’m busy” or “not right now.” 

• Learn something new together: Your brain likes learning new things; it releases positive emotions, and when you learn new things with your partner, you’re associating your partner with those new things. Plus, you get to have a good time together!

• Laugh often: Laughing with your partner can increase relationship quality, closeness, and social support. So do things that make you laugh together!

• Learn their love language: Have you ever cleaned the house for your partner because you knew they had a long day, but it didn’t seem to help? While the gesture was probably appreciated, it wasn’t quite what they wanted. Love languages are a popular way to give and receive love in a way that is most meaningful to you. They are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, gift giving, and acts of service. So while you may feel most loved when you’re receiving acts of service, they may prefer gift giving or quality time. Showing your partner the kind of love they respond to best helps them feel loved.

• Express gratitude: Expressing gratitude might just be the golden ticket to the Deep Attachment Stage. Studies have found that showing gratitude in a relationship improves connection and relationship satisfaction and predicts how much time you’ll spend together. So thank you today for everything your partner does.

Can couples therapy save my relationship?

Relationships change as they age. And after years together, you transition out of the feelings you first experienced when everything was new and unknown. Remember to turn inward and towards each other when you have conflict. Conflict is a natural part of any relationship and not a sign that you’re doomed. 

You can learn how to work together through conflict from therapy. Maybe you’re in the crisis stage, or maybe you’re just going through a rough patch. Regardless, if your relationship is in trouble, there is hope. It is possible to return to the butterfly feelings of new love and the stability of a secure attachment. 

While couples therapy is not a guaranteed cure to any of your relationship issues, it can help. Marriage therapy has a positive effect on 70% of the couples who attend. 

Couples therapy can help you: 

• Heal from infidelity

• Work through conflict and learn healthy conflict management skills

• Deepen your attachment 

• Provide good communication skills

• Help you align your values and future goals 

• Transition through a big life change 

• Prepare for the next step, like having a kid or getting married 

Couples therapy is a tool you can use to help you and your partner heal and grow together. For more information, reach out to Lifebulb’s couples therapists. We can get you matched with a therapist who will meet your needs and help you towards your goals.