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Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or ROCD for short, is a subtype of OCD.
This OCD type involves obsessively thinking and worrying about a relationship and compulsions to keep the relationship together.
ROCD can be detrimental to both personal mental health and relationship health. It can be hard to identify because it looks similar to other mental health issues and the compulsions can be mostly internal thoughts rather than very noticeable behaviors.
This article will go over the symptoms, causes, and treatments for ROCD.
What Is ROCD?
ROCD, or Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, is a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder that mainly occurs in romantic relationships. Individuals dealing with ROCD may constantly doubt their relationship. They may constantly question the fundamentals of their relationship if there is enough love between them and their partner.
Those doubts may relate specifically to the person’s partner or the nature of their connection. ROCD may also involve intrusive thoughts that can have a negative impact on both the individual and their partner’s mental health.
Like other forms of OCD, ROCD involves the repetition of behaviors and thoughts. Those repetitions may lead to fights and the end of the relationship. Treatment options such as OCD therapy or couples therapy are helpful tools to identify ROCD.
What are the Symptoms of ROCD?
It is not always easy to identify ROCD. Like all forms of OCD, it will have obsessions and compulsions.
Examples of ROCD Obsessions include:
- “Do I really love my partner, or am I just convincing myself?”
- “What if I’m settling and there’s someone better for me?”
- “Does my partner find me attractive enough?”
- “What if my feelings change in the future?”
- “I noticed a flaw in them. Does that mean we’re incompatible?”
- “If I were truly in love, I wouldn’t have these doubts.”
Examples of ROCD Compulsions include:
- Constantly checking for feelings of love or attraction
- Comparing your relationship to others or to past relationships
- Seeking reassurance from your partner, friends, or online sources
- Mentally reviewing moments or conversations to prove your feelings
- Testing your feelings (for example, imagining being with someone else to see how you react)
- Avoiding romantic situations that might trigger doubt or anxiety
This is not a complete list. Your obsessions and corresponding compulsions will be unique to you, the relationship, and any past traumas you may have experienced.
Other symptoms of ROCD include:
- Constant doubts about your feelings toward your partner or their feelings toward you
- Obsessive questioning of whether your partner is “the one”
- Comparing your relationship to others or to an idealized standard
- Intrusive thoughts about flaws or compatibility issues
- Seeking excessive reassurance from your partner or others
- Feeling distressed or guilty for not feeling “in love enough”
- Compulsively analyzing interactions or replaying conversations in your mind
ROCD can make maintaining a healthy relationship hard, but not impossible. Recognizing the signs of ROCD is the first step to healing. Next, we’ll look at treatment options for it.
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Is It ROCD or Am I Not in Love?
How do you know when it’s ROCD and when you are having real relationship issues? It can be hard to tell, but a good way to test is if the thoughts are insistent and intrusive.
Real relationship issues can be talked through. When the behavior changes, you will likely feel better. With ROCD, conversations and reassurance are only temporary fixes. You might feel okay about it for a little while, but the thoughts will return.
The thoughts are intrusive, too. They pop up even when you’re having a great time. How were you feeling right before you had an intrusive thought about your relationship? Were you feeling a moment of joy or one of anxiety or frustration?
The former is more likely to be ROCD; the latter is more likely to be a real relationship issue.
A licensed professional is the most qualified person to identify whether you have ROCD or not. A couple’s therapy therapist can also help to address any specific impacts to the relationship.
This free, online OCD test can help you determine if your symptoms are a sign of OCD. Remember that only a qualified professional can diagnose ROCD.
What Is the Root Cause of ROCD?
There is no certain cause of ROCD. Experts believe that the disorder may come about from a combination of various mental and biological factors such as:
- Underlying OCD tendencies: If you have OCD in other parts of your life, you’re more likely to also struggle with ROCD.
- Perfectionism: Unrealistic views on love or the need for certainty in relationships can increase obsessive doubts.
- Anxiety and fear of uncertainty: Difficulty managing doubt or ambiguity about emotional connections can lead to obsessive questioning.
- Past trauma or attachment issues: Experiences such as inconsistent caregiving, betrayal, or heartbreak can make someone overly sensitive about relationship security.
- Cognitive distortions: Negative thoughts, like “If I’m unsure, it means I don’t love them,” can intensify obsessive doubts.
- Biological factors: Imbalances in brain chemistry, particularly with serotonin, may affect OCD-related disorders like ROCD.
People with ROCD may feel that their obsessions come about without any real reason. However, those thoughts and behaviors may have triggers such as:
- Witnessing seemingly perfect relationships on social media
- Hearing or reading about other people's relationships
- Finding other people attractive when in a relationship,
- Thinking about previous partners or relationships
- Forming an emotional connection with someone other than your partner
- Sexual intimacy with their partner
These are not the only triggers of ROCD. It can help to keep a journal of your intrusive thoughts and compulsions, and keep a list of what triggered them. This is the first step of working through ROCD with your partner.
How does ROCD impact Relationships?
ROCD can greatly affect an individual’s relationship by causing problems such as:
- Tension
- Emotional exhaustion
- Distancing and avoidance
- Lack of joy
- Partners feeling rejected, untrustworthy, or confused.
- Lack of intimacy
- Arguments
- Emotional burnout
- Breakups
Fortunately, ROCD is treatable.
How to Treat ROCD
There are a variety of methods an individual can use to treat ROCD, including couples therapy, exposure and response prevention, emotionally focused couples counseling, cognitive behavior therapy, and mindfulness-based therapy.
Couples Therapy
If any of the partners in a relationship feel like they have ROCD, one of the best solutions is to seek professional help. Couples therapy can help to identify ROCD. A trained professional can use a variety of couples therapy techniques to help with communication, challenges, and identifying and responding to triggers.
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)
ERP is one of the most used therapy techniques for OCD, which involves direct or imagined exposure to triggers of ROCD. The goal is that after repeated interactions, those triggers will no longer have a negative impact on the individual and their mental health. This can reduce compulsive behaviors.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is one of the most used techniques in couples’ therapy. EFT aims to strengthen the connection between two people by focusing on their emotional bond. Emotionally Focused Therapy helps with ROCD because it allows couples to understand and communicate with each other better.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is a type of psychotherapy used to treat several mental health issues. CBT focuses on thoughts and behaviors. This can help a person with ROCD identify his or her compulsive thoughts and then address the behaviors that come with them.
Mindfulness-Based Therapy
Mindfulness-based therapy involves using mindfulness practices to increase awareness of oneself and the world around them. These practices can increase mental health and emotional stability. Emotional awareness can help individuals with identifying their triggers and dealing with them.
Find an ROCD Therapist Near You
Relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD) is a challenging mental health issue that can harm relationships. Individuals with ROCD may even sometimes develop other mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression.
If you feel as though you or your partner may have ROCD, please reach out to one of our trained therapists.
At Lifebulb, we offer a variety of counseling services to meet whatever your needs are. Whether you are looking for individual services, family counseling, or couples therapy, we are ready to help. We cannot wait to meet you!
