May 16, 2025
People with abandonment issues are deeply afraid of being left by the people they love. Abandonment issues can stem from childhood trauma, losing someone close to you, attachment style, a bad relationship, or mental illness. Although no one enjoys being abandoned, those with abandonment issues will go to extreme lengths to avoid being left behind, including leaving the relationship first.
This article will go over symptoms, causes, and treatment for abandonment issues.
What Are Abandonment Issues?
Humans are social beings, and our interpersonal relationships are crucial to our health and well-being. For example, loneliness and lack of a support system are known risk factors in mental health issues such as depression or anxiety.
Because healthy relationships are a need, trauma can also arise from toxic, abusive, or neglectful relationships. Many abandonment issues stem from this type of trauma.
You might have a strong fear of abandonment, for example, if you experienced the sudden death of a loved one or if your parents were neglectful when you were a child. These core experiences shape how we interact and form relationships with others. If you’ve been abandoned before—whether intentionally or not—you might be on high alert for a similar pain to happen again and go to great lengths to prevent it.
What does fear of abandonment look like?
A fear of abandonment can look very different in different people. Often, but not always, abandonment issues are linked to our attachment style. An attachment style is how we form adult relationships, based on our relationship with our caregivers when we were young.
There are three insecure attachment styles that include some form of abandonment issues. Each one looks different:
- Anxious Attachment Style: Individuals with an anxious attachment will seek out constant reassurance and validation to alleviate their deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection, which can manifest as clingy behavior and emotional volatility, as they struggle with trust and fear of separation.
- Avoidant Attachment Style: Those with an avoidant attachment style tend to prioritize independence and self-reliance, creating an emotional distance in relationships to protect themselves from potential abandonment. They may avoid closeness and intimacy, fearing vulnerability and intimacy.
- Disorganized Attachment Style: Individuals with a disorganized attachment style often exhibit conflicting behaviors in relationships, swinging between a desire for closeness and a fear of being hurt or abandoned. They may show anxious tendencies one day—clingy behavior and emotional volatility—followed by avoidant tendencies the next—avoid vulnerability and intimacy.
Broadly, this is what abandonment issues look like. Remember that every person’s situation will be unique.
Symptoms of abandonment issues
Everybody will experience abandonment issues differently. However, there are some commonalities among those with a fear of abandonment. These include symptoms such as:
- Fear of rejection: Individuals with abandonment issues often experience a deep-seated fear of being rejected or abandoned by loved ones or significant others, causing anxiety and insecurity in relationships.
- Trust issues: Building trust can be challenging for those with abandonment issues, as they may struggle to believe in the reliability and permanence of relationships, leading to skepticism and emotional guardedness.
- Intense need for reassurance: People dealing with abandonment issues may constantly seek reassurance and validation from others to alleviate their fears of being abandoned, often feeling insecure and unworthy without ongoing affirmation.
- Fear of intimacy: Abandonment issues can manifest as a fear of intimacy, making it hard for individuals to form close, meaningful connections due to the underlying fear of being left or betrayed.
- Emotional instability and insecurity: Those with abandonment issues may experience emotional volatility, fluctuating between intense feelings of insecurity, unworthiness, and a desperate need for closeness, and periods of emotional distance or detachment.
Do you think you have abandonment issues? Let’s explore the causes and treatments for this set of symptoms.
What is the root cause of the fear of abandonment?
There are many causes of abandonment issues. What caused one person’s fear might not do the same in another person. There is no set rule as to what triggers abandonment issues, and more often than not it is a set of many triggers, including trauma, genetics, and environmental factors.
Some causes of abandonment issues include:
- Parental neglect or abuse: Experiencing inadequate or harmful care as a child can cause a deeply rooted fear of relationships.
- Losing someone close to you suddenly: A traumatic death can cause uncertainty and fear over losing others in similar ways.
- Experiencing divorce: Both as a child or adult, suddenly losing someone who used to be important to you can be difficult to understand. Divorce, especially when one person leaves suddenly and it is not mutual, is one trigger of abandonment issues.
- Unhealthy relationships: A relationship that is “on again and off again” or unhealthy can also cause abandonment issues as it can cause people to look for the unhealthy signs in current relationships.
- Relationship suddenly ending: Getting over a breakup can be difficult. A sudden relationship end can make it even more so, and can set the stage for abandonment issues later on.
If you are struggling with abandonment issues, you’re not alone. There is hope for healing.
How to heal from abandonment issues
Healing from abandonment issues starts with taking care of yourself. Relationships only thrive when you are also thriving, so take the time to look inward and heal old wounds. You can do this by:
- Learn about your attachment style: Learning your attachment style can provide a great amount of relief and understanding for why you act the way you do. Remember that it is always possible to move towards a healthier attachment style.
- Develop Emotional Regulation Skills: Learn to navigate overwhelming feelings of fear and insecurity. This involves recognizing and managing emotions in a healthy way, fostering resilience in the face of triggers that may evoke abandonment-related anxieties.
- Practice Self-Care and Self-Compassion: Prioritizing self-compassion allows for healing from past wounds and fosters a gentler, more nurturing relationship with oneself in the face of abandonment issues, whereas good self-care gives you the energy to face your fears and make positive changes in your life.
- Keep a Journal of Your Triggers: Maintaining a journal of triggers can help individuals identify patterns and triggers that trigger feelings of abandonment. This self-awareness enables individuals to work through their emotional responses and develop coping strategies to navigate challenging situations with greater understanding and resilience.
- Communicate in Your Current Relationship: Open and honest communication in current relationships is essential for fostering trust and understanding. By expressing feelings, concerns, and needs to loved ones, individuals can strengthen connections, build a sense of security, and work together to navigate the complexities of abandonment issues.
- Talk to a Therapist: Seeking support from a therapist is a crucial step in overcoming abandonment issues. Therapists provide a safe space to explore past traumas, develop coping mechanisms, and foster growth towards healing and building secure attachments.
Therapists at Lifebulb are highly trained and dedicated to helping clients navigate abandonment issues with empathy and expertise, offering personalized support to guide individuals towards brighter, more fulfilling lives.
If you’re ready to overcome abandonment issues today, reach out to our team. We accept most major insurances and have no wait list.
Call us, or book an appointment for online therapy, online counseling today!
Our team of counselors will assist you with treatment plans that can help build a positive attitude towards fighting mental health issues.
