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Couples Therapy in Toms River

Help - Every Conversation Turns Into an Argument!

Repeat arguments and conflict that never seem to stop are common signs of a relationship that’s fraying. Learn how to come back together with the help of a Toms River couples therapist.

Break the Cycle of Conflict

Do you and your partner have things you seem to argue about constantly? The dishes not being done, who’s taking the kids to school, the amount of quality time you spend together. . . these are common areas of repeated conflict. When left to fester, conflict can grow bigger and end up rupturing the relationship.

Toms River, NJ, has one of the lowest divorce rates in the country. NJ has been labelled as the state of love for how few couples end up divorcing after marriage. You can be one of the many relationships that make it with the help of Lifebulb's Toms River couples therapy.

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cycle of conflict

Cycle of Conflict

It’s possible you and your partner are triggering one another, making conflict worse, and increasing the likelihood of repeat arguments. If you find yourself having the same arguments over and over, you might be caught in the cycle of conflict:

Ringing the Alarm Bells

Your fight or flight system is activated when you feel unsafe or in danger. This can happen in an argument. For example, if your partner asks you to take out the trash in a short tone, your brain might comprehend it as being attacked. Your emotions rise, and your logical thinking turns off. You are now in a “triggered” state and respond based on fear instead of logic or reason.

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The Story You Tell

Our emotions don’t always tell an accurate story, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t real. What you’re feeling matters, but take some time to ask yourself if what it reflects the truth or not. Being asked to do the dishes isn’t a life-or-death situation, so how can you change the story your emotions are telling so you react according to your values and not your immediate emotional response?

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Miscommunications and Rising Tension

You’re triggered, you feel a strong, negative emotion, and you act on that emotion. This can look like yelling, being passive-aggressive, walking away, or giving the silent treatment. Our defensive behavior is unique to us. Often, this behavior is learned from models we had growing up. Othertimes, it is our mind protecting us from perceived harm. A Toms River couples therapist can help you learn healthier coping mechanisms.

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The Conflict Cycle Repeats

If you and your partner only ever communicate with each other when you are angry, upset, and triggered, then you won’t ever reach any real resolution. Instead, you are storing the conflict for another time. The next time one of you is triggered, the argument starts up again, fiercer and more intense. This reenactment will continue until you can approach the problem calmly and with a mutual effort to understand each other. That’s where a Toms River couples therapist can come in to help.

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Couples Therapists in Toms River

Break the cycle of conflict and enjoy a peaceful relationship with the help of one of our licensed couples therapists.

Aimee Grosstherapist

Aimee Gross

LCSW

You don’t have to face life’s challenges alone. Aimee is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 20 years of experience helping adults find calm, clarity, and confidence through times of stre...

Adults 18-64
Meredith Wymertherapist

Meredith Wymer

Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner

Meredith Wymer is a board-certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner providing medication management across the lifespan. In addition to her current work in the outpatient mental health se...

Adolescents 13-17 Adults 18-64 Adults 65+ Children 6-12
Gina Coupetherapist

Gina Coupe

LCSW

Gina is a licensed clinical social worker with an MSW from Columbia University School of Social Work. Her practice fosters the idea that all individuals have the ability to heal the self through res...

Adults 18-64 Adults 65+ Couples Family
Andrew Blancotherapist

Andrew Blanco

LCSW

Andrew has been a therapist for nearly two decades, specializing in family counseling and individual counseling across all ages. After graduating from New York University in 2008, he began his clini...

Adolescents 13-17 Adults 18-64 Adults 65+ Children 6-12 Couples Family
Amy Reyestherapist

Amy Reyes

Supervisee in Social Work

I am a Licensed Social Worker and I have been in the mental heath field for the past 9 years working with a variety of client populations, including children, adolescents, and adults, all within the ...

Adults 18-64 Adults 65+ Family
Shannon Dempseytherapist

Shannon Dempsey

PMHNP

Shannon is a board-certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner with six years of nursing experience in the psychiatric field, including child and adult inpatient care, community mental heal...

Adults 18-64
Why refer a patient to Lifebulb

Why Does Every Conversation Turn Into an Argument?

You love one another, so why do you keep hurting each other? It’s probably not entirely your fault. Unhelpful behaviors stem from a mix of:
  • Modelled behavior
  • Past relationship trauma
  • Childhood trauma
  • Mental health issues 
  • Substance abuse issues
  • Chronic stress 
  • A bad day 
  • Overwhelming emotions or demands
  • Feeling unwanted or unloved
  • Having unmet needs
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The Gottman Method for Repeated Arguments

The Gottman Method for Repeated Arguments

The Gottman Method is one of the most effective types of couples therapy. It focuses on building trust, intimacy, and respect between two people. Its theories on why people divorce have helped many couples stay together through troubling times.

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Short-Term Couples Therapy

Short-Term Couples Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a good option for couples who don’t have a lot of time but want to strengthen their relationship. It is a short-term type of therapy that works on a couple’s attachment to one another. Attachment theory is useful in exploring why we relate and interact with people the way that we do. You can expect to complete couples therapy within 8-20 sessions.

 

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Building Empathy and Understanding

Building Empathy and Understanding

Imago Therapy is a great option for couples with repeated arguments. It focuses on building understanding and empathy between couples. For example, Imago Therapy will help you understand why your partner responds so defensively when you ask them to do something. The core belief behind Imago Therapy is that our early relationships shape our current relationships. Your relationship with your parents will influence how you act around your partner. Understanding these dynamics is important in developing healthy conflict resolution skills.

 

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Recognizing Unhelpful Thought Patterns

Recognizing Unhelpful Thought Patterns

Regardless of what therapy modality your Toms River couples therapist uses, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) will likely be a part of it. CBT teaches us how to recognize unhealthy, negative thought patterns. For example, “They asked me to do something, so I must be doing something wrong.” From there, CBT will help you replace that negative thought pattern with something positive and true.

 

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couples therapy for repeated arguments

Move Past the Conflict For Good

Conflict will happen in any relationship. No relationship is completely devoid of arguments, disagreements, and getting on each other's nerves. What’s important is how you deal with conflict. Are you navigating it as individuals or as a unit? Repeated arguments in a relationship are a sign that you’re living in a “me vs them” mindset instead of an “us vs the problem” mindset. The second is a healthier mindset that will set your relationship up for longevity and love. Shift your relationship mindset with the help of our Toms River couples therapists. 
Find a Toms River Therapist Call for therapy 732-272-0127

How It Works

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Frequently Asked Questions

Scheduling is easy! Simply choose a therapist from our extensive therapist directory. Fill out the quick form, and we’ll get in touch to confirm your appointment. 

If you don’t feel like choosing a therapist, give us a call, and we’ll match you with an Ocean County therapist that fits your needs.

Lifebulb Counseling & Therapy adheres to all HIPAA policies. This means your personal information will be protected throughout every step of the process: from requesting a session, to your first appointment, all the way to when you decide to stop therapy. 

Lifebulb was built on the core belief that good therapists provide good therapy, and that in order for a therapist to be good, they need to feel supported. We prioritize our therapists’ wellness so that they can give you their full attention. No burnout, no counting the minutes till the end of the session, no racing to meet quotas, no wasting time wrestling with insurance panels. 

The result? More time, more energy, and more joy they get to put towards what they do best: helping you!

Online anxiety therapy sessions use HIPAA-compliant video software that is 100% secure. We never record sessions and will never ask you to jump on a video call that is not HIPAA compliant. Our therapists also always take video sessions from a private and secure place. There’s no risk of anyone overhearing you. 

Yes! Lifebulb prides itself on being HIPAA compliant and making client privacy a top priority. Have questions or concerns about our privacy policy? You can email us at privacy@lifebulb.com 

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