Jul 31, 2023
The majority of couples encounter challenges in their marriage occasionally. A few times, however, these challenges might look hopeless. Oftentimes, however, couples only require professional assistance from a trained marriage counselor or couples therapist who could help them maneuver through a solution that leads to positive results.
According to health research funding’s significant premarital counseling statistics, “Couples who underwent counseling before their wedding had a 30% higher marital success rate than those who did not.”
Couples can encounter problems with each other in addition to personal issues that affect their relationship. Consulting with a marriage counselor or couples therapist can get them some help along the way, allowing them to tackle their challenges and empower their marriage.
Do you wish to reconnect with your loved one or partner to improve relations? There’re a few critical marriage questions to ask your marriage counselor at the commencement of your pre-marriage counseling.
20 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
When you meet up with your pre-marriage counselor or couples therapist, you should ask the following questions to thoroughly understand the pre-marital counseling process and what you anticipate from it.
Finding the answers to these marriage questions before marriage can help you benefit the most from pre-marriage counseling sessions as well as derive benefits from your counselor’s guidance.
1.Do We Need Marriage Therapy?
A few couples end up at marriage counseling in spite of feeling undetermined whether they’ve made the right decision- whether they really require this kind of interference.
Remember that as a couple, you don’t need to have significant issues-stumbling blocks-in order to take up marriage therapy. Perhaps if you would like to converse better, feel cherished, or need support coping with life-changing events, you can seek the help of a marriage counselor. For instance - you became parents, or your partner's job might require frequent traveling.
Explain to your counselor what made you take up this counseling and ask whether they believe you require counseling sessions. In the majority of cases, couples can gain profit from counseling, even though it's only for a short period of time, so as to deal with current challenges.
2. Do You Advice Couples With Problems Similar To Ours?
It’s essential for couples to coordinate with professionally trained and experienced couples counselors. Suppose both of you are coping with what you feel to be an abnormal issue, such as substance abuse or mental health issues, or being not able to trust your partner. In that case, you might need to know if your counselor has the required experience assisting couples in resolving their problems even though they haven’t met these similar issues during the sessions earlier.
3. How Do You Describe Your Pre-marriage Counseling Process?
All pre-marriage counselors don’t follow a similar process for helping couples. Some of them meet with couples together or separately, whereas others might just meet the couples together. Speak with your counselor and discuss your preferences and their usual premarital counseling process.
4. Which Pre-marital Counseling or Therapy Approaches Do You Practise?
Not every pre-marriage counselor or therapist favors similar counseling techniques. Professional counselors can take different approaches to help couples resolve their relationship issues. A credentialed counselor might be able to switch between counseling techniques based on the couple in question.
Make sure to identify whether the counseling technique used by your counselor has proof to support its usefulness. In reality, your counselor will probably be eager to explain their techniques as well as medical support. Once you understand their process, you might feel more hopeful about involving in their selected counseling approach.
5. Will Pre-marriage Counseling Work For Us?
When two people decide to participate in pre-marriage counseling, it’s a big step in the exact direction- simply put- in a direction created to enhance or save the relationship. No doubt, pre-marriage counseling has worked successfully for hundreds of couples.
Pre-marriage therapy is enormously impactful when both partners are inspired to settle their problems, find solutions, and make the required efforts to accomplish those goals.
But having said that, at times, few couples eventually choose to separate, but when they separate, they do it with a deeper understanding obtained from their marriage. counseling sessions.
6. What is Your Diagnosis Of Our Issues?
Many times, couples go to see a marriage counselor thinking that their primary problem is one thing when it’s literally originating from another. For example, often couples believe that they’ve issues related to a lack of interest when the problem stems from how they communicate.
Professional and trained counselors are capable of honing in on significant issues of the couples, which might link to mental health or communication, so as to help them realize why they are experiencing these relationship issues.
7. How Long Does the Counseling Last?
The time period that couples spend in marriage counseling depends on their distinct requirements. Few couples might spend only a few months on EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), whereas others might take a year or longer.
Individual counseling sessions tend to depend on the counselor’s scheduling arrangements. Furthermore, a few couples might wish to seek individual counseling with their trained therapist.
8. Are There Relationship Issues That Can’t Be Dealt With Marriage Therapy?
In the majority of cases, marriage or couples counselors won’t make that decision. They help couples confront their issues and develop plans for enhancing their mental health and relationship. But having said that, the choice to stay in a relationship is always up to the individual partner.
9. What Helps In Building A Healthy Relationship?
A couple learns what helps build a healthy relationship by better understanding the counselor. In a no of cases, partners might not know the answers themselves. Still, once they understand what makes a relationship healthy, couples can start developing goals for making it healthy.
10. How Can We Make Our Counseling More Productive?
Ask your marriage counselor about how you can make your counseling sessions more productive and what else you can do outside of counseling to make the most of your counseling. No doubt, it's very possible that your counselor has some best recommendations for you to think of.
In the majority of cases, taking up counseling and being ready to be honest and open to hearing are the best practices for a practical counseling session. Aside from couples or individual therapy, be ready to pursue your counselor’s advice; they might motivate both of you to exercise certain behaviors discussed during the session.
11. How Do You Handle Secrets?
In pre-marital sessions or even during an individual session, one partner could share with the counselor but not with the better half; that could be things like “I’m using substances my partner doesn’t know about,” or “I want to leave”, etc. A professional marriage counselor handles this in different ways.
Some follow a “no secrets” policy and ask the person to share this information with their partner so as to continue with the counseling process. Others might facilitate one partner to disclose confidential information without sharing it with another partner.
12. Will You See Me Individually Or See Me And My Partner As A Couple?
During individual counseling, therapists get carried away with your point of view, which makes them partial third-person looking into your relationship. Because of that, individual therapists find it difficult to work with you and your partner. Therefore, refer you to another couples counselor.
13. What Do You Think Are The Most Important Things Couples Can Do To Strengthen Their Marriage?
A marriage built up on love and respect doesn’t happen inevitably. Both partners are required to do their part. Here are some key points to work on daily to strengthen your relationship:
- Communicate clearly and regularly
- Tell your partner that you’re grateful for having him or her in your life
- Find time for each other
- Plan for some alone time
- Develop trust
- Learn to forgive and forget.
14. Are You Part Of A Professional Association That Credentials Marriage Therapists?
Even if few psychologists, clinical practitioners, and mental health counselors are prudent in marriage therapy, you could be more assured if the counselor or therapist holds a state license in marriage and family therapy and is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
Marriage therapists hold different licenses, but all agree to the values and have the required experience, training, and background.
15. How Do You See The Significance Of Keeping A Marriage Together When There Are Issues?
If your counselor replies only with consumer self-center language, for example - “I tried to help both parties agree upon what they’re required to do for themselves.” after this, follow up with another question regarding the therapist's perspective about whether he/she holds any moral principles related to the importance of married commitment.
Still, if the counselor repeats the similar mantra of individuals doing what they need to do for themselves, then look for another therapist if your “values” don’t match.
16. From The Couples You Treat, What Percentage Would You Think To Work Out Enough Of Their Issues To Stay Married With A Valid Amount Of Satisfaction With The Relationship? What Percentage Breaks Up Even When They See You? What Percentage Do Not Improve?
If a counselor says,”100% of couples stay together, this occurs to one as unrealistic and misleading. Suppose your counselor says 70% of couples stay together and figure out their issues. In that case, this success ratio is below par [according to the studies on the effectiveness of marriage counseling].
If a counselor won’t answer the question or states that living together isn’t a benchmark of success, then this counselor might not be helpful for marriage commitment. Couples therapy is one of the hardest types of therapy, and you’re worthy of someone with the relevant experience, training, values, and skills to help your marriage.
17. What Percentage Of Your Practice Is Marriage Counseling?
Avoid a counselor who mainly does individual counseling since they might not be expert in working with couples. It’s one of the hardest therapies, and you’re required to work with someone who has relevant experience, values, skills, etc.
18. Can You Tell Me About Your Background And Training In Marriage Therapy?
If a marriage therapist is just a self-instructed or workshop-trained individual and doesn’t have a significant educational background in this field, then find another marriage counselor.
19. What Are The Goals Of Marriage Counseling?
The majority of marriage counselors customize particular goals in order to cope with particular relationship issues. But a few broad goals relate to all. Some of the most common goals that couples aim to accomplish through marriage counseling are - clear and effective communication, better problem-solving skills, or learning how to deal with issues healthily.
20. What Should You Do If You’re Feeling Worse After A Session Instead Of Better?
Actually, it’s normal to feel worse occasionally or after a counseling session, specifically at the beginning of working with a therapist. It could be a sign of growth.
Be mindful of these questions to ask before getting married when you meet your marriage counselor for the first time or even during the initial few counseling sessions. A few counselors even provide online marriage therapy, which could be a better option for couples.
Getting solutions to these questions before marriage will help you and your partner develop a stronger relationship and insightful foundation for your marriage.
Significance of premarital counseling
Research indicates that individuals who share similar values, communicate efficiently, and have a trusted friendship are more seemingly to relish their relationship and build up a marriage that lasts long.
Pre-marriage counseling can help couples find where they stand on significant issues. For example, if a couple wants a family and has children, a marriage counselor could help them discuss their perspective of family and what they expect from each other as a partner or parent.
Regardless of your distinct relationship issues, pre-marriage counseling is an excellent option for understanding your better half. These counseling questions to ask before marriage are expected to simplify the most important topics regarding marriage.
Few people make assumptions about where their significant other is standing to make or break problems. Assuming isn’t helpful and can lead to issues in the coming time. Addressing these crucial problems through pre-marriage counseling before getting married will help reduce differences of opinion later or help you determine if an ethically binding long-standing commitment such as marriage benefits both of you.
Thus, when you decide to spend all your life with someone, you wish to know that you’re consistent. You must also learn the skills to have a healthy marriage, even at difficult times. Pre-marriage counseling is the best way to develop the skill set and how to converse about challenging topics.
Questions to ask your partner before marriage
Related to marriage, what you don’t know can actually hurt you. Due to shyness, lack of attention, or anything else, most couples don’t ask the crucial questions that could help develop a stable and solid marriage, as per relationship experts.
No doubt there are a number of questions to ask your fiance before marriage which helps to make sure of a good fit, but let’s admit it: most couples don’t look for couples marriage therapy.
Here are a few questions to ask your partner before marriage to reveal the secrets before it's very late -
- What do you highly appreciate about your partner?
- What do you value most in your relationship?
- How many children do you want to have?
- How do you relate to your and your partner’s family?
- How will you manage your finances, i.e., jointly or separately?
- What do you think about saving money and investing?
- How would you like to raise or educate your children?
- What are your ideas about the division of household duties?
- Why is marriage important to you?
- How will you support your husband or wife?
Conclusion:
The marriage questions discussed above are merely examples of the topics couples ask when they participate in premarital counseling. Conversing about these challenges or questions to ask your fiance before marriage could help both partners feel better prepared for getting married and dealing with other responsibilities and challenges that come along.
Getting answers for these questions to ask before marriage lets both partners learn more about one another in order to avoid any misunderstandings that might afterward result in a serious issue in your married life.
Are you looking to understand each other’s expectations and feelings and planning to build a strong future together premarital therapy and counseling by Lifebulb is the right way to start!
