Am I in Love? Love vs Infatuation

Difference Between Love and Infatuation

Love is a feeling of deep affection, caring, and commitment towards someone. It’s forgiving, understanding, and willing to work through flaws towards a shared goal. 

Infatuation, on the other hand, is an emotional high of admiration, obsession, and longing. It often idealizes romantic love. In doing so, it ignores flaws or incapabilities in favor of a starry-eyed obsession. 

While infatuation can be addicting and fun, it doesn’t last. No one is perfect, no matter how much you want them to be. Infatuation lacks the roots and commitment to make a relationship last. 

Love lasts. 

Examples of Infatuation include:

• Constantly thinking about the person and feeling an urgent need to talk to them.
• Idealizing them and overlooking red flags or incompatibilities.
• Feeling intense excitement or butterflies that spike quickly and fade quickly.
• Wanting their attention or validation more than wanting a real connection.
• Becoming jealous or anxious easily when they’re not available.

Examples of Love, on the other hand, include: 

• Wanting the other person’s well-being and happiness, even during conflict or distance.
• Feeling safe, comfortable, and at ease with who they are—without needing perfection.
• Showing up consistently through challenges, not just during the “highs.”
• Respecting boundaries, differences, and each other’s needs.
• Building trust through reliability, honesty, and emotional intimacy.

Both love and infatuation are intense feelings, but where love is deep, infatuation is fleeting.

What Is Infatuation?

Infatuation is often superficial and obsessive. When people ask what you like about them, you list things like the way they look, the job they have, their money, or how they would fit perfectly into your dream life. 

Infatuation often occurs before you really know someone. You make someone perfect in your mind and fall in love with that perfect version of them. But no one is perfect, and the fantasy of infatuation can never last. 

Infatuation Isn’t a Bad Thing

Although infatuation can never last, it’s not always a bad thing. In fact, most relationships start out with infatuation. 

Those dizzying moments when they hold your hand for the first time. The butterflies you get when they come over. Those are all signs of infatuation. 

It has to do with our biology. 

When we first fall in love with someone, our bodies are pumping out dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine is the classic “feel-good” hormone and causes alertness, happiness, and energy. Oxytocin is the “love” or “cuddle” hormone and is released to form deeper connections with someone. 

In the beginning, all of these hormones are hitting you hard. You feel crazy about the other person. It feels good! It is infatuation.

Over time, the high levels of dopamine and oxytocin decrease. In its place, one of two things happens: the relationship fizzles or it grows into a deeper connection. 

Infatuation is the start of most long-term, loving relationships. What makes it good or bad is what comes from it. Many people chase the high of a new relationship and the intoxicating infatuation it brings. This can cause a nasty cycle of short-term situationships and heartbreaks. 

But the flip side is also true: When you take time in the infatuation phase to truly get to know someone, the chance for a long-term relationship built on love is possible.

What Is Love?

Did you know: When we look at someone we love, the same part of our brain responsible for making us drink when we’re thirsty and eat when we’re hungry lights up. 

We need love. As social creatures, it is hardwired into us to form deep, meaningful, authentic connections. 

And that is exactly what love is, a deep connection based on mutual respect, attraction, and commitment. Love isn’t always easy; the common saying is “love is an action”. It takes work, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. 

Those hormones responsible for causing infatuation don’t ever fully go away. Studies have shown that couples who hug a lot produce more oxytocin and have lower blood pressure than couples who don’t hug as much. 

Love is still fun and exhilarating, but it’s also comfortable, stable, and reassuring. 

How Do I Know If It Is Love or Infatuation?

We know there’s nothing bad about infatuation, but it’s still good to know if what you’re feeling is love or infatuation. This can help you decide on boundaries and next steps. 

For example, it’s maybe not a good idea to move in with someone you’re infatuated with. Focus on building a deeper relationship first, and once the honeymoon phase ends, decide if you are really in love with them. 

Signs it is infatuation and not love include:

• You idealize them.
• You overlook flaws or incompatibilities.
• Your emotions feel intense and fast-moving.
• You’re more attached to the fantasy of who they could be than who they actually are.
• You crave their attention or validation.
• The relationship feels all-consuming.
• Jealousy or insecurity appear often.
• You don’t know them deeply, yet feel convinced they’re “perfect” or “the one.”
• The connection is built on excitement, chemistry, or physical attraction rather than shared values.
• You avoid or can’t handle conflict.
• Your interest fades easily when the initial thrill lessens or reality sets in.
• You prioritize how they make you feel, not how you show up for each other.

On the flip side, signs that it is love and not infatuation:

• You see them realistically—their strengths and flaws—without idealizing or dismissing either.
• Your feelings grow steadily over time, becoming deeper rather than just intense.
• You care about their well-being, not just how they make you feel.
• You feel emotionally safe with them.
• There is mutual trust, built through consistency, honesty, and follow-through.
• You can navigate conflict together.
• You support each other’s growth, goals, and individuality.
• The connection feels stable and secure, not like a rollercoaster of highs and lows.
• You choose each other intentionally, even on days when it’s not exciting or easy.
• You enjoy everyday life together, not just the romantic or intense moments.
• Affection, respect, and kindness are consistent, even during stress or disagreement.

What can you do with this information? We recommend communicating what you’re feeling clearly to your partner, especially if you have begun to talk about next steps. 

If you’re still feeling heavily infatuated with them and not in love with them, don’t tell them that you love them. Wait for those feelings of deeper attachment to grow. 

Can Infatuation Turn to Love?

Yes! Infatuation can and often does turn into love. It takes work, however. Make an effort to truly get to know each other. Ask deep questions, understand their flaws, and be proactive about working through conflict or tension. 

Don’t know where to start? Read our guide to 50 deep questions to ask your partner.

If you’re serious about making a long-term relationship with someone you’re infatuated with, couples therapy can help. A couples therapist can also help if you’ve found yourself in a relationship where the love has died, and you need some help getting that spark back. 

Lifebulb has online and in-person couples counselors who take most major insurances and have little to no wait times. Contact our team to be scheduled with one near you today. 

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